Whose Love?

  Is it really my love for God that prompts Him to embrace me? So many tell me that it begins with me. But what do I make of the years that I turned my back on Him? How could I suddenly desire Him when, until then, I could've cared less? Can I just will myself to long for God? If so, I can just as easily will myself to deny Him and turn away.  If the relationship depends solely on me, then it is destined to be short-lived. On my own, I cannot sustain a friendship with the Divine. An outside force must motivate. Something beyond me must keep me pursuing His love.
  Could it be that He is the beginning, the source? Yes, and so much more! He is not only the start but also the continuum. Not only what begins but what keeps it going. I can only give what I am given. At its core, my heart is hateful to all things heavenly. It is unable to prompt itself to turn that hate into affection. To those who say it starts with me, I say, it is not that a rebel has decided to suddenly arise and embrace a holy God but that a  holy God, who has every right to judge, has laid aside His wrath and embraced a rebel in spite of his ugliness and shame. The motivation begins, continues, and ends with Him. I only respond. I  am overwhelmed by such unspeakable love! What He has purposed, He will finish to the end. He is the One who holds me close and keeps me in the Grace I so desperately need. When I am prone to wander, the love that is His won't let me go.