What I Really Want This Christmas

 I sat on a log and shifted my feet in the sand. It had been 22 years since I'd last visited this place. It held fun childhood memories for me, although my retention of those memories, apart from photos, was a bit limited. And that is why I wanted to go back. I wanted to feel like a kid again. I wanted to get in touch with something that adulthood has stuffed - pure joy. As one gets older, they begin to be consumed with a performance-driven culture, a forever rushing, chasing lifestyle that causes many to forfeit the most important things in life because they forget what really matters. And I've fallen for it. Over the past few years, work and responsibility have taken over. I've bought into the idea that fulfillment must be had at the expense of life abundant. And, somewhere along the way, I lost me. I lost the little girl that remembers running freely into the Pacific Ocean and spending the day playing on the sand over summer vacation. I lost the child in me that used to be fascinated by the smallest things. I lost my perspective. And now I came back to try to find it again. 
 As I listened to the waves crashing against the shore and took in the gorgeous sunset over the ocean, I felt the weight of years of "adulting" falling off my soul. The kid the had long remained dormant started to come alive. In the squawking of seagulls and the peacefulness of the quiet seaside evening, I realized that, what I really want for Christmas, for life in general, is a life that is lived well for Him. Lived only for Him. In my heart, I breathed the words, 

"More of You, less of me - 
Make me who I'm meant to be..."

When your life becomes less about the rat race that is accomplishment, success, doing more, and living less, you lose the beautiful things that make up this one chance we get at fulfilling our divine purpose of "glorifying God and enjoying Him forever." We begin to miss the evidences of His love. We begin to rush on past where He wants us to be now because we're only concerned with getting ahead. We become about doing when what the Christian life is based on is being. Resting in all things already accomplished for us. Spending all our days in thanks-giving...in praising the One by whom all things consist and exist. 
 As the shoppers rush around with their gifts, as the holiday craziness ensues, I'm left feeling as though I want something better. I long for something deeper, for something more than just presents, parties, and decorations. I'm left desiring memories made: cherishing the moments of watching Christmas movies at night with the family, or the little traditions that are uniquely ours - of decorating the tree and sharing the many stories that go along with the ornaments, or the music recordings that we only get to listen to once a year, (especially those awesome old vinyl records that I grew up hearing as a kid that still get played every Christmas). I'm left wanting worship - wanting this Christmas to be a reminder to me of when Heaven touched earth and a thousand angels sang, "Our God is here!" 
 God. With. Us. Those three words changed forever how humanity could live. Instead of life being about a remote relationship with God and Him being only accessible in a holy place of worship, God was now accessible within the human heart!! God was now here with us to dwell forever with those who believed in Him. God loved this hurting world enough to give up His regal splendor and clothe Himself in human flesh and offer Himself a living sacrifice for the redemption of mankind. Christmas isn't just about baby Jesus - it's the foreshadowing of the cross and all that it would mean. It's the acting upon God's promise to human history that the sin of Adam and Eve would not be the final story. That God wasn't done with his created world just yet. And that's why I want more. I don't want to miss a moment of what God wants to say in this the season of celebrating His birth. I don't want this to be "just another Christmas" this year but rather, I want my whole heart to sing "Glory in Highest!" all year long! I don't want the message to end on December 26th but instead, to compel me to living loved and living gratefully all year long
 And so, I headed back to my car from the beach and thought...it's going to be different this year. I'll still dig out all the ornaments, all the lights, all the traditions and things that speak Christmas...but I'm going for more this time: I'm going to welcome it with a full heart of joy, a soul that realizes that the Savior came for me and that every day I live is another opportunity to show to a dying world that this miracle that happened in Bethlehem is, indeed, the answer for all that ails us broken ones. Because that one silent night gave us hope that forever continues to change us, to make us into who we're meant to be. 


Comments