"I've always believed in God, just not enough to trust him with my whole life...I knew God could fulfill his promises, but I was never sure he'd do it for me. My selfish Christian Atheist view was that God existed for me, rather than I for him. If he'd do what I thought he should, I'd trust him more. If he'd come through for me, I'd give him more of my life. If he made my life better and pain-free, I'd believe him more passionately. But anytime God didn't meet my expectations, we had a problem. God created me in his image. I returned the favor and created him in mine. The kind of God I wanted to believe in was this: if he's not what I want, then he can't have my whole life.
Several years ago, I increasingly recognized inconsistencies between what I claimed to believe and the way I actually lived...If I truly belonged to Christ, I should surrender my whole life to him. I just gave him parts instead, and took them back whenever he didn't do what I wanted. I called myself a Christian, but I lived like an atheist. The more honest I became, the more I hated living faithlessly, and the more I craved intimacy with God. 'Whatever it takes' became my heart's cry. Whatever it takes to know him. Whatever it takes to love eternity more than this world. Even if I have to fight, scrape, and crawl away from my Christian Atheism into a genuine, crucified life of faith and radical obedience to Christ, I'll do whatever it takes."
- Craig Groeschel in The Christian Atheist