What I Want

 What do I want? It is a question I must constantly ask myself. What do I want? Do I want to live a life governed by constant busyness about trifling things? Do I want a pleasurable existence, a life of comfort and ease? Do I want a pain-free journey in which tragedy and sorrow have no part? 

  At times, the baser part of me yells out an emphatic "yes," and I find that I am racing toward an end that I wish I didn't chase so fervently...an end that, ultimately, leads me away from Grace, away from God, and I lose myself in the midst. I lose the joy of living altogether. In my desire to be a productive, successful "somebody," I really become a nobody because I lose what is essential. I forget what matters. I cease to follow God and instead run toward everything else.

 What do I want? Deep within, I think I know: I want to slow down and savor; I want to appreciate the blessing of being able to live, to even breathe at all. I want to know the refining goodness of lessons learned in hard times, of gaining insight along the pain-stricken path. I want to thank. I want to absorb the Grace-filled moments that come each day - to not be so busy that I fail to see...that I miss Him. I want to be open.

  With this in mind, I plead with God to help me, to allow me to see life as He sees it. To be so captivated with all He offers that I will chase after what matters the most. This is what I want and, if I have this, I have all I need.