Ready...Or Not?

 "Are you ready for this?" 

We ask (or are asked) the question as we approach the alter to say "I do..." 

Or maybe as we're about to go through the birth of our child...

Or as we sign military enlistment papers...

Or purchase a house...

Or invest in a business deal...

Or buy a car... 

Anytime we're preparing to embark into uncharted life-waters, we have that pausing moment where we wonder if we've done enough to be ready for what is ahead. It's those nerves mixed with excitement as we take that brief time to double check that we're actually doing the right thing, making the correct move. 

But if we're honest, I'd say there's another time when we find ourselves asking the same thing: it's that instant where we know there are hidden aspects to our story - secrets we've long held, doubts or fears we've been afraid to voice, trauma we've tried to forget, pain we wish we'd never walked through - parts of ourselves that have layered and layered as the years have gone by, etching their impact into the essence of who we are. We know they are present with us, but we've tried...for one reason or another...to push them out of our consciousness. Why? Because we just haven't wanted to get real with them and face them for what they are and how they affected us. 

Yet, from time to time, something triggers these memories and we have to check in with our hearts and question once again if, by some chance, we're ready honestly look at what happened. Take a long gaze at how our souls and our dreams were shattered, how our relationships changed, how we've bourn the burden all these years of certain unforeseeable suffering that forever reshaped the trajectory of our lives. And usually, after a brief second of thought, we brush those feelings aside and determine, Nope... not today.

But todays spin into tomorrows and soon, decades roll by and we find ourselves slowly growing into a shell of who we once were as the pain carves in deeper and we see the negative effect of our unwillingness to look our past in the face once and for all. 

There is no such thing as forgetting where you've been. At some point, the past will find you again. Without fail. Every time. 

A wise friend once told me that the human body can only process one trauma at a time... usually the most recent one, and I'm starting to realize that, however much we'd like to ignore and forget about the things that touched us most profoundly in a painful sense, there is no such thing. Our bodies and our brains are wired to remember. We are built to store endless amounts of information. And even when we say we've forgotten about something or "moved on," the truth is that we actually haven't. Our physical makeup won't allow us to. And somewhere along the journey, we will be forced to confront what we've long resisted. 

Understanding this then brings us to the question we're looking at today: when are we ready to deal with the pain we've pushed away for so long? Something I'm learning is that being ready and feeling ready are oftentimes two entirely different things. I can know that I'm ready to step into something uncomfortable or new while also admitting that my feelings or emotions are lagging behind and trying to hold me back from taking that necessary step. And I'm coming to grasp that the deciding factor often is my physical and mental behavior. 

What I mean by this is that my body and my state of mind are always giving me signals as to how I'm responding to different things in my life and if those signals are starting to get more and more intense when I move into or away from certain things or recall certain memories, then it's telling me that there is an undealt-with, stuck trauma associated with that situation that is calling for my attention. It's an invitation to stop and give myself what I'm needing in order to process and make peace with whatever is bothering me. My body and brain are trying to communicate to me that they have to address this before they can move forward. And the longer I put that off and refuse to pay attention to what they are telling me, the worse I'm going to feel and the harder it will be to actually sit down and deal with things. 

When I finally make the choice to quit fighting this inner urge to get real and raw with something, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm still not hesitant or scared or questioning whether or not I should proceed. I may wonder if I'm truly feeling ready to step over that threshold and do what it takes to heal. This is natural and understandable. What it does mean, however, is that I know, deep down, that I cannot put this off any longer. That my need to get my life right is greater than the discomfort or uncertainty that I feel and I am willing to push through that in order to give myself peace in my present and future. 

Whether it's deciding that you're going to enter a rehab facility, go see a counselor, sit your loved ones down and tell them the truth, end a toxic relationship, have a hard conversation, walk away from a job... whatever the looming thing in your life may happen to be, listen to your body and your brain and pay close attention to what they are trying to tell you. Things like sleeplessness, irritability, depression, addiction, and chronic pain can trace back to unresolved pain and you may have just been blowing by the signs for awhile now, convincing yourself that it's not worth dealing with and it's too hard to face. 

Now, I get that there is a certain timing that must be right and circumstances that must make you safe and loved enough to be able to deal with these layers in a wholesome environment. So I'm not saying that you shouldn't take that into consideration and make sure that life is at a place where you can pause and deal with what you've been carrying. What I am suggesting is that perhaps you're actually at that place now but are too afraid to step into that place and face the elephant in the room. 

May I suggest that the discomfort of facing that hard thing today is your day to finding a fuller life tomorrow? May I offer that your decision to process your pain now will, in hindsight, be the best decision of your life?  

Life is difficult and full of much sorrow. This I know well. But it is also filled with much beauty and hope. But you often can't get to the good stuff unless you're willing to make space for it by getting real with the bad stuff. Will you ever fully "get over" what happened? Probably not. As I said, we're made to remember everything. But remembering and being owned by what occurred are very opposite and different things. It's possible to reflect on your past yet not be possessed by it. And that's why I'm encouraging you to take that step towards a healthier, stronger you. 

So... 

Are you ready for this? 

Because ready... or not... your quality of life depends on how you answer and act on that one little question.