The "Yes" Of Permission
How do you give yourself permission to stop the running? Is there such a thing as real rest? God-breathed, holy soul-rest?
It's 3am and the heart is racing. The chest is tight. The breath is labored. The body pulses. The stress of it all wakes me, and I'm suddenly not restful and instead lying there, wondering why this happens. After spending two days surrounded by reminders to live the abundant life - beautiful scenery, animals spending their days care-free...images flow through my mind, and I have to ask myself, how can I keep forgetting so easily that this life is not a race to see who can finish in front of everyone else? That it's not about how quickly I can get through a day and feel accomplished by all things completed...and at what cost when the soul gives out?
Whenever life becomes simply a thing to get through, we have entirely lost our way. When the Savior we are called to imitate has invited us to life abundant, how come we turn down His holy way for a way so rushing, so forced, so laborious that it becomes about getting ahead instead of turning into holy? Why is it we choose the lesser instead of accepting and embracing blessing storehouses made available to us as the beloved? As the ones who belong?
Perhaps we are like the Prodigal's brother of old who, while he lived in the Father's house, he took his privileges for granted and missed everything the Father had to offer him. Maybe we are the wanderers who never leave the Father's home but whose hearts are still away in a far off place...
I wonder how it is that, while I know I cannot be all things to all people - that I cannot keep a frenetic pace and still turn into love, that I cannot give out hope when I have a cup that is past empty - how is it still that I arrive at this place where I have pushed beyond human limits?
The soul wasn't made for the kind of life we all tend to create and live out. It wasn't made for the pressures of schedules that don't leave time for the relationships and people who matter most in our lives, for days that are filled with so many "have-tos" when all God is asking from us is the simple "yes" of living the Light and the pursuit of a thankful heart of worship. We will break down if we fail to live this out... we will discover that we have turned into the world instead of the world turning to us and asking us why we are different.
Gospel-centered lives lose themselves in the expansiveness of a big God. Lose themselves in order to find their truest selves... under the shadow of the cross itself. Lose and let go willingly of everything provided that God is glorified and they are made small. Lose the temporal race in order to win at the heavenly one. Accept that life in His kingdom will mean they are losers in the world's eyes because they have chosen a better part.
I realize that I must keep on giving myself the "yes" of permission - permission to live a life that is fitting to the holy ones because most will think I'm nuts to do so, permission to not do everything...even when my desires tell me that I haven't done enough, permission to enter into the provided rest of the Kingdom... rest not given by all things earthly. I somehow neglect to remind myself of these things and fail to tell myself that it's okay to set aside the busyness for the sake of allowing the heart to find it's peace once more. Because if I'm not at rest, than of what use am I to anyone in this world? What good does it do if I'm all about checking off lists of "musts" when I'm losing perspective, losing emotional footing, losing love, losing patience, losing all those things I should keep instead of losing the sin? Because the frantic-way will bring out your sin instead of help you war against it.
It's 3am and the heart is racing. The chest is tight. The breath is labored. The body pulses. The stress of it all wakes me, and I'm suddenly not restful and instead lying there, wondering why this happens. After spending two days surrounded by reminders to live the abundant life - beautiful scenery, animals spending their days care-free...images flow through my mind, and I have to ask myself, how can I keep forgetting so easily that this life is not a race to see who can finish in front of everyone else? That it's not about how quickly I can get through a day and feel accomplished by all things completed...and at what cost when the soul gives out?
Whenever life becomes simply a thing to get through, we have entirely lost our way. When the Savior we are called to imitate has invited us to life abundant, how come we turn down His holy way for a way so rushing, so forced, so laborious that it becomes about getting ahead instead of turning into holy? Why is it we choose the lesser instead of accepting and embracing blessing storehouses made available to us as the beloved? As the ones who belong?
Perhaps we are like the Prodigal's brother of old who, while he lived in the Father's house, he took his privileges for granted and missed everything the Father had to offer him. Maybe we are the wanderers who never leave the Father's home but whose hearts are still away in a far off place...
I wonder how it is that, while I know I cannot be all things to all people - that I cannot keep a frenetic pace and still turn into love, that I cannot give out hope when I have a cup that is past empty - how is it still that I arrive at this place where I have pushed beyond human limits?
The soul wasn't made for the kind of life we all tend to create and live out. It wasn't made for the pressures of schedules that don't leave time for the relationships and people who matter most in our lives, for days that are filled with so many "have-tos" when all God is asking from us is the simple "yes" of living the Light and the pursuit of a thankful heart of worship. We will break down if we fail to live this out... we will discover that we have turned into the world instead of the world turning to us and asking us why we are different.
Gospel-centered lives lose themselves in the expansiveness of a big God. Lose themselves in order to find their truest selves... under the shadow of the cross itself. Lose and let go willingly of everything provided that God is glorified and they are made small. Lose the temporal race in order to win at the heavenly one. Accept that life in His kingdom will mean they are losers in the world's eyes because they have chosen a better part.
I realize that I must keep on giving myself the "yes" of permission - permission to live a life that is fitting to the holy ones because most will think I'm nuts to do so, permission to not do everything...even when my desires tell me that I haven't done enough, permission to enter into the provided rest of the Kingdom... rest not given by all things earthly. I somehow neglect to remind myself of these things and fail to tell myself that it's okay to set aside the busyness for the sake of allowing the heart to find it's peace once more. Because if I'm not at rest, than of what use am I to anyone in this world? What good does it do if I'm all about checking off lists of "musts" when I'm losing perspective, losing emotional footing, losing love, losing patience, losing all those things I should keep instead of losing the sin? Because the frantic-way will bring out your sin instead of help you war against it.
Hours later in my day, I find myself on a rocky beach by the water... staring a mountain majesty, picking at little seashells and rocks, breathing in His air, and telling myself to slow the running. Because it's only all making me go mad. And what I really need is more of Him. To be drowned as deep as the bay in front of me in the depths of His endless grace so that I can further detach my heart from the need to keep up. Can give myself the okay to step back and do the important things that keep a soul aligned with God.
In a Martha world where everyone is always feeling the need to do more... to the detriment of the most valuable things and the rejection of the "better part," can I dare to be Mary and say that I choose Jesus over all the stuff? That I choose faith in a world of worry? That I choose worship in a world of hurry? That I choose to take the way that leads to the breaking of me so that I can find the healing of me? That I choose to live in the shadow of the Sovereign God? Can I dare so greatly...and discover that I'm actually getting ahead in what matters?
Somehow, I believe deeply that if I'm to find the blessings, if I'm to discover the miracles awaiting, if I'm to turn into who I want to become...I've got to learn to preach this "yes" of permission to myself. To tell myself that God's pace is where I ought to set my pace. And that I'll find the rest I need when I begin to walk in the holier way...even if it means a few things are left undone today. So what if I don't get to something exactly when I planned...it can wait until tomorrow if it means a better way, God's way, was taken.
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