The One Who Stays

 It always fascinates me how we can overlook certain things that have been in front of us for years. Something or someone that ought to be the most obvious can remain in the background for the longest time until finally, an event or transition in life occurs that suddenly brings it to the forefront and we realize just how important that person or thing is to the overall quality of our one precious life. Two friends come to mind when I think about things I sadly take for granted sometimes or at least overlook. I've known both of them for years and they're just quietly singing backup vocals to the soundtrack of my life and I don't always appreciate their presence until some of the other dynamics in my life change. Whenever other people in my circle pass away or move or the friendship collapses for whatever reason, these two are still there in their faithful, quiet way to affirm their loyalty and offer support. And I wish I'd seen the value sooner of having friends who stay. 

Friendships these days seem to be harder than ever to sustain. There are so many distractions and things warring against the cultivation of intentional community that it takes to grow and keep such relationships alive. Sometimes I feel like it's a losing battle - you pour all you have into being available to people and loving them well and then after awhile, they get too busy for you or they just quit trying and then, you find yourself alone once again... seeking genuine connection in a world that feels pitted against the pursuit of it. Perhaps you've felt this way, too. It's hard. When it feels like you're losing more than you're gaining in the relationship category, it can be very discouraging. It's a fight to do more than just superficially engage with others. In this day and age, it takes purposeful action to truly be the one who stays and to build community with others who do the same. 

Up until quite recently, my communal circle was quite fluid. While I've had a couple of steady friends throughout, so much transition and tragedy has wreaked havoc on my once predictable tribe. Growing up, the turnover wasn't significant. The last decade or so, it's been constant. And, for a person like me who vows to keep their friends, it's taken a toll. I've had to learn the art of loving with open hands: letting go in the times when other chose to leave and reconciliation wasn't a possibility, or choosing to begin again after an unwanted loss took one of the special ones I never expected to bid goodbye to. Sometimes it's felt like there was nobody left. It's taken Courage. Hope. Faith. Because self-protection will sometimes tell you it's not worth trying again. 

But then... there are the two who always seem to step forward when things get rough. 

When all the others have left, I'm reminded that my history with these two is solid and they aren't going anywhere anytime soon. And my heart is comforted. And... I see Jesus. When it comes to overlooking things, I'm so apt (as probably are you!) to forget "what a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear." I so quickly feel alone because some earthly presence has remove itself that the presence of the heavenly One is easily passed over and lost sight of. Because He is invisible and we look so much toward the tangible, we can find ourselves believing that He is distant when actually, He's never been closer. When others fail and comforts flee, the Helper of the helpless abides with you and me. Like me two quiet but steady friends, He consistently shows up time after time to remind us that He is still fulfilling His promise to be with us to the end, to never leave or forsake us ever. 

I realize that I sometimes don't see the value in God's presence until the presence of others has withdrawn in some way. The distance I suddenly feel with them causes me to look for something certain and that's when I'm reminded of the ones who stay and the Only who always stays and I once again ask for grace myself to be the one who stays for others. Hard times and shifting friendships and loss of any kind is hardly welcome. Often, you need community the most when times are tough and that's usually when you find people aren't there for you the way you want them to be. Yet, however much we want to avoid such seasons, these are precisely the times when we get to discover and see for ourselves the radical devotion of Jesus and the true commitment of the few in our lives who are with us for a lifetime, whatever it may bring. 

Look around you today at the people in your life and ask yourself who are the ones in the background who have actually stayed. Not those who promised a lot but never showed up when it counted but rather, those who were perhaps more quiet and let their actions do the talking. And, when you've identified those beautiful souls, go tell them how much they've meant to you. They need to know that you see their devotion and truly value it. Then go be the one who stays for someone else. When everything has fallen apart in their own life, be the one who steps forward and affirms that there is still someone left who cares. And beyond that, point them (and yourself!) to the One who is the best at staying and will never break His promise to walk with us forever. The more we attempt to become like Him, the more it will become easy to stay... and to see Him in the faces of others who do the same.