The Need For A Guide

 A friend who's been long struggling with her own trauma and the effects of a marriage on the ropes is telling me about how she's learning through it all... how she's growing in her understanding of mental health and what she needs... how the brain is wired and what it requires in order to heal. We're trading resources and ideas, and she points out how certain podcasts or authors have become vital voices in the journey for her - people whose own perspective and stories have given light to her in the dark days of navigating her personal path.  

Days later, I'm speaking with another friend who is grieving a loss of a different sort and, once again, the subject of having certain authors or examples to give you hope on the road comes up. I offer her some of my own suggestions, and she shares some of her own. This trading of stories is, in my opinion, part of God's treatment plan for the traumatized, the hurting, the mourning. Without these points of purpose, these guides of light that give us hope in our worst moments, we grow hopeless pretty quickly. 

For me, human stories have always been of the greatest interest and inspiration to me. Long before the pain hit, I was drawn to the tales of those who had overcome challenges in their own time and left their mark on the world as a result. And I noticed that, time after time, the greatest stories and live were of those who had suffered the worst... and survived. Over and over again, in war and peace, in peril and famine, in loss and gain, in failure and success, those we remember are the ones who went through the worst and came out the other side. 

It's almost like God intends it that way...

Shortly after losing my dear friend Alex nearly four years ago, I knew very quickly that I had to figure out what voices would help me make sense of what I was feeling and going through. I had experienced other losses and forms of trauma in the past which allowed me to pull on certain lessons I'd learned along the way, but this type of loss was unique and different. I had never grieved in quite this way before. So I started looking for the guides who would lead me through. 

They came in the form of authors like Jerry Sittser, Megan Devine, Henri Nouwen, and others who gave voice to my deepest feelings and helped me see that everything I was experiencing was perfectly normal. It was, indeed, okay to not be okay for awhile. They also came in the form of a video course that I stumbled upon on YouTube with Dr. Bill Webster with the Center for the Grief Journey. His simple and compassionate insights into the nuances of loss helped me understand what to expect in the days, weeks, and months that would follow. With each thing I read, heard, and watched, I gained some understanding as well as some hope... hope that if I just kept on turning my face toward the dark, I would one day see the sunrise again. 

Guides matter. You don't go tackle a treacherous climb or navigate a new country or location without pulling on the knowledge and experience of those who know it better than you do - those who have done it before and learned some things about it along the way. They tell you what to avoid, what to prepare for, highlights to see, things to do. It is their insights that allow you to have an easier experience when you attempt those things yourself and, in turn, once you've done them, you can then help somebody else. That's how it works. And the same is true for the journey of trauma and grief. You need guides to show you the way - people or resources that give you insight into the road you're traveling and help you get through it a little smoother. It still hurts all the same but the fact that they've been through this place before and survived it gives you peace to trust that you can do the same. 

But of course, these guides are sent to you by the only true Guide Himself who has given us many promises that prove He is with us as we ache. The One who went to the cross and suffered more than we ever will and showed that our wounds can lead to our rising now sits in the pain with us and reminds us that this too will be used for good. The Light will find us even here. We just need to keep moving, keep believing. Even as the darkness never really seems to lift and it feels like we'll never make it out of this, He is still holding our hand. Keeping us close. Whispering to us that He loves us always. He knows the way, and He has been down this path long before you ever got here. He can be trusted. 

Trying to do this healing thing alone won't get you far. Self-help in these cases is of no help because there are just some things that are beyond our ability to make sense of or pull ourselves through. We need the steady and sturdy feet of those who have traveled this way to offer us a hand and say, Here... let me help. Let's not refuse them. More importantly, let's not refuse the guidance of the Savior since His is the only way toward finding meaning in this thing called pain.