Finding Your Voice

 My father loves to tell the story to people over the years: his premie baby girl being born 4 1/2 weeks early, coming in a hurry, and doctors unsure of lung development or other premie complications. Of tiny me being whisked off after birth to check on whether or not I would need extra oxygen or other medical assistance, given my early arrival. Of the ear-piercing shriek that came shortly after and a delighted doctor poking his head in and saying, "Her lungs are fine!" Only minutes after delivery, I already made it clear that verbalizing my feelings was not a problem. 

Growing up as a child, I loved to talk. I would randomly walk up to people in church and start a conversation... to the point where my mom had to work with me on interrupting other people's chatting that was already in progress. So great was my desire to share and interact, I just couldn't wait another second. Whether it was to myself in the bathroom (I still sometimes do that!), to my dolls or PlayMobile toys, or to people, I had an insatiable desire to speak. Once I learned to write, then I began to express myself on paper, too. The articulation of words was my strength. 

God gave me a voice, and I wasn't afraid to use it... until I was. 

As the years ticked by and I made my way through the adolescent years and into my twenties, that expression of words never totally left me, but something had changed. Over time, I had become aware of the fact that there were some people in the world who didn't care what I had to say and, in some rare cases, their design was to silence me. To keep me from being heard. And that hurt. Deeply. Add in years of this happening, of people trying to put other words in my mouth and turn me into someone they wanted me to be so they could hear a message that suited them instead of the one God had given me, and I slowly felt as though I was being strangled: by expectations, prejudices, control, unhealed wounds. Muzzled by the sense that my voice which, as a child, was my greatest asset, was now being steadily taken away from me by people who told me, in so many ways, that I had better save my breath. 

It wasn't until the envelope was pushed a bit too far and I woke up to the reality that this was happening that I finally started to realize that the proverbial picture of "sit in a corner and be quiet," of "stay in your place," never applied to me. I was never one to be silenced about anything, really. I'd always had an opinion or feeling about something and enjoyed the exchange of ideas and perspectives and knowledge. I loved to share, to be open with others, and to learn about people and life and information. Talking was my forte. Now, as an adult, I struggled to find that easy expression once again. Time and lies from others had stolen my biggest gift - the gift of words - and somehow, I knew I had to get it back again. 

Perhaps you've found yourself in the same situation. You have so many things you'd like to say and share with the world but that same world you so want to benefit has taken every possible measure to keep you quiet. To prevent you from telling your truth. To hinder your voice from having the impact God intends. Inside, you wrestle with the reality that, if you go ahead to express what's on your mind and in your heart, it may upset others. You vacillate between the pressure you feel inside to express your truest self and ideas and also the pressure to bend to the world's expectations. Maybe it would just be better if I play it safe, you wonder. 

I've been there. I know how hard it is! And yet, something in your deepest soul calls out to you... reminds you that you are a unique creation and that your Maker has tasked you with a message and a mission that only you can fulfill and that to neglect this would be of the biggest dishonor and disservice to the One who gave you life. A whisper calls you back to the person you are at your most central core and you realize that, regardless of the reaction, you must be true to who you really are. You must speak the things you really feel and know and love. You must return to and own the fact that your gift is special, and you need to use it. Not everyone has the ability to easily express themselves, but you do! You were made for this!

 

In the last couple years, I've slowly started to understand this about myself and to take measures to embrace it. Maybe you have also. Here we find ourselves confronted with our most authentic personhood and we are understanding that, if we're honest, we can't let ourselves be silenced any longer. There is too much to say. And we must be brave enough to say it! This world, however much they may deny it, revolves around words and truths and ideas and information. The expression through song and books and blogs and podcasts and all the verbal avenues continues to be the lifeline through which perspectives and knowledge are shared and those of us gifted in this area need to courageously take our place among all the talking and believe that we belong. 

As we do this, we may be drowned out, or those that hear us may be few. But there always comes a moment when our words are called upon to say what must be said, what others can't say or perhaps want to say. There's always that point where someone who can speak or write must be the voice. Thomas Jefferson is asked to draft what become our Declaration of Independence. Patrick Henry rises to give his famous "Give Me Liberty!" speech that rouses a citizenry. Martin Luther King Jr. tells the people he has a dream. President Kennedy reminds humanity to "ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." All these people were nobodies at some point - the world didn't know their names or their stories. But, when the moment came, they were ready. And we have to be ready, too. 

That little premie baby that was me declared rather quickly that breathing and talking weren't a weakness. Perhaps it took some time to refine and learn how to use them, but I didn't need to find them. They were just there. All these years later, I saw that that little girl who used to freely talk, didn't know a stranger, didn't care about what others thought, and just oozed with enthusiasm and passion was still there. I just had to rediscover her. I had to bring her forward into the woman I am now and share her with the world unafraid. 

If you're trying to figure out how to do the same, take it from me that learning how to break through the barriers that others try to set for you, finding and using the voice, the message that God gave you, is some of the hardest but most meaningful growth you'll ever do. A lot can be taken from a person but their ability to think and speak for themselves is one of the things that can only be taken if we allow it to be. The world needs what you have to give! Even if it thinks it doesn't, what you can offer is needful. That's why God put you on this planet! So find that outlet and start sharing. It doesn't have to be big or impressive; it just has to be told.