Dis-Satisfied

 So I might as well just say it... 

I'm dis-satisfied. And no, not in the way you're probably thinking. 

As soon as I said the word dis-satisfied, you probably instantly felt the need to give me a lecture in contentment because, let's face it: around spiritual circles, dis-satisfaction is often interpreted as a failure in faith and gratitude. We're not allowed to be restless in any way. But here's what I'm starting to figure out... dis-satisfaction isn't the same thing as dis-contentment. Even though we often interpret the two as being the same, they're really not. Because it's actually possible to be dis-satisfied while still being totally content. 

In recent months, some personal experiences have dis-located me out of my previous rhythms and I'm here to say, however hard it's been, it's honestly been the best thing that could've happened... because it shook me out of all the places where I had been denying the fact that I wasn't fully thriving anymore. While I certainly wasn't unhappy, I'd grown comfortable and talked myself into staying when the circumstances weren't conducive to my healing, and God had to wake me up to the reality that something had to change. And once He did, I grew dis-satisfied. 

Dis-satisfied with the voices speaking into my life.

Dis-satisfied with my personal silence and how I'd allowed others to take away my own voice. 

Dis-satisfied with the messages I'd long believed that had only held me back. 

Dis-satisfied with all the limitations and expectations and opinions that kept me from living out my true, authentic self. 

Dis-satisfied with all the ways I'd settled for what was available instead of reaching for could be. 

You see, dis-satisfaction often leads to the ultimate satisfaction where you discover Who fills all and is all and why there is never any substitute for doing life His way. 

The more shakeups and breakups and dis-lodging and dis-locating you have in your life, the more you're driven to ask yourself what you really want. 

The more restless I became, the more my desires changed and I started to chase after more. Started to desire something bigger than just what I'd complied with and accepted for so long. I realized that I had the power to choose who I listen to, what I believe as truth, and how I guard and use my unique giftings within the structure of Kingdom life. I didn't have to keep going through the motions, and changing things up a little could actually be my greatest move yet!

It's proven to be nothing short of eye-opening since I discovered this and began slowly taking my life back. Regaining emotional territory. Setting boundaries. Clarifying goals. Seeking out the right personal allies. In the process of all that, I started to re-discover a hidden me that got buried, forgotten. And I've been reminded of what I've truly wished to pursue all along but let other distractions and people talk me out of it. Make me question it. Lull me into the status quo when I was made for so much more. 

And the strange thing is, I'm becoming more satisfied and content than ever before. The dis-satisfaction hasn't hindered my faith but actually grown it, matured it. Caused me to desire holier ways than what I'd convinced myself I wanted before. 

Real life-change happens when you begin to question why and how you've done things before. If you're always just accepting old patterns, old truths as being the final thing, you never transform because the entirety of life and, especially the Christian life, begins with being willing to set aside what you know and where you've been and be open to a new way. 

If the past paths, or even the current ones, aren't working for you anymore, then you must face the fact that adjustments need to be made. Fail to ask the hard questions or make the hard moves, and you'll never become who the Master designed you to be. 

Perhaps feeling stuck is actually God's way of moving us forward.

Perhaps in awakening to the fact that we are uncomfortable opens our mind to the fact that we have options and could be after something more. Things we previously would've easily dismissed now become considerations as we reflect on the reality that maybe there's a better road to take than the one we've been on. Such a restlessness may actually lead us to where we're meant to go - a place we never will discover if we remain where we've always been. 

Ah yes... the nomadic ways aren't always the worst ways as I see God moved His ancient peoples all around in wilderness places and foreign spaces to help them see that you never reach any promised land without uprooting from the land you've been in before. Something new can't start unless something else ends. And it's still true now for us as it was for them. 

The last couple of years have certainly been their own kind of shakeup and we've all found ourselves living through unexpected changes and transitions that we previously would never have imagined. And yet... what if this is God's way of ushering us into new chapters and He's used the chaos for good in order to help us see something different? 

May I suggest to you that growing dis-satisfied may, if you work through it and lean into the proper way, lead you through doors you might normally slam shut? May I offer that the uncomfortableness you're feeling could actually be showing you a change is needed and that making such a change could allow you to find the greatest peace and contentment in God and His plan you've ever had? 

It's been true for me, and I know it can be true for you also: no progress was ever made without there first being something that triggers the life-altering questions and causes us to seek after something more, entertain the idea that we don't have to stay here always and sometimes God has a blessing down the road He knows you can't have unless you move out of where you've been. 

So here's to the daring faith and the doing hard and the moving with change as we continue to experience this adventure on the journey to Grace. If the past proves the future, then I know whatever comes of this will be good and that as long as I find my ultimate joy, my ultimate hope, my ultimate satisfaction in the One who guides me along this road - as long as I'm willing to change course if He asks - I cannot fail in this quest for a better way. Because the Way Himself never leads me wrong.