Road Repair

 Winters are hard on the roads in these parts - ice and snow and sand all eating away at the pavement and causing it to crack when Spring thaws come. On a drive into the city, I notice all the road repair crews are out again. Snow-free months are so few here that all our summers are just one giant construction zone with delays and detours everywhere. It's something we've all learned to expect. 

But something I notice I'm less apt to expect is the inner road repair. Because winters are also hard on the soul and all things tear and crack as the cold of loss and pain drive deep and rip apart as they go. 

Trucks pull along slow and people fill in the cracked places and we can all try to patch up the openings that suffering has produced but sometimes, there comes a point where you need to strip things down to the bottom and a resurface is necessary. 

Sometimes, you just need God to help you start over. 

I'm realizing that there are a lot of times I'm quick to put a proverbial bandaid on the heart-wounds and temporarily cover over the hurts that have run low and dark and pulled my one little heart right in two. I'm good at putting on a brave face and blowing off the fact that it stings and it aches, feeling like the acceptable way is to just attempt to be strong when what I should really be doing is getting to the bottom and asking Him to peel back the layers. 

Unwillingness to be broken fully never works. Put a rigid tree in a storm and it will eventually split and be forced to fall because all growing stems from being surrendered to and flexible in the elements called life. 

Traffic comes to a crawl and cars are backed up for miles and this is all of us in some way, trying to get to our promised land with setbacks and denials and all things waiting happening in between. Testing our patience, trying our faith. All while lanes get ripped up and souls get torn and somehow, God is working in all this to make us more like Him. 

Signs point to lane closures and the two lanes must funnel into one and the two becoming one is so fitting. Two become one to make a marriage as a picture of the Church with her Lord and our two sides are constantly being knitted into one restored heart as Christ fits us for Heaven, stone becoming flesh, shadow becoming light. 

"Narrow is the way," He said and why do we all presume that a narrow way could be an easy way when what The Way promised was trials and tribulations? 

Roads break and people crack and, through it all, God isn't afraid to get down to the heart of us and tell us a new beginning is possible. A fresh start is necessary. Ask us to let go. To lean into the ripping and trust that a stronger, better way is on the way. 

It's going to be awhile before we're out of the construction zone, so I put on some tunes to pass the time and I see now that the only way to get through this broken way is to make the best of it. Because, unlike the literal road, we're never going to be fully out of the work zone this side of glory. For all real glory is produced in the pain it took to arrive there. 

This thing called life? Yeah... it isn't pain-free and there will be more winters ahead, necessitating more filled cracks and more pulling up. More resurfacing. Over and over again in an odd rhythm called hard grace. And what am I to do? Expect it. 

Just like I expect construction every summer. Just like I plan for it when I know it's bound to come sometime. Prepare. Give myself extra time to get where I'm going. Bring something or someone along for the ride to make it easier. Settle in for the waiting. Believe that I'm going to arrive because He's already assured me I will. 

And as much as I hate these constructions zones - as inconvenient and irritating as they may be - I also know that my safety as a driver depends on them being kept up and fixed. Just like my safety in this life depends on my soul-repair as well. 

So let the stripping happen when it needs to. Let the tearing up reveal what's underneath so God can get to work and help me be readied for the next winter ahead. Because the way of the Father is always the best way, even if it goes against my way.