Holding Out

 The statistics can be downright alarming and nobody ever thinks it'll be them...until it is. 

Nobody imagines the dark can be that suppressing... 

Nobody dreams the pain that can be that depressing... 

Nobody believes the despair can be that distressing... 

...Unless they've lived its reality. 

They say suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. That, in 2019 alone, 47,511 beautiful lives were lost to its deathly grip and another 1.38 million were estimated to have attempted suicide unsuccessfully. When averaged out, that's about 130 precious people every single day. It's staggering when you realize that those numbers represent a heart that couldn't bear anymore - a life that ran out of hope and thought an exit from this world was the only option. And these numbers don't even begin to reflect the many who have had suicidal thoughts and never acted on them. 

I heard it once said that the truth is, most suicidal individuals don't actually want to die. Even if they say so, it's not that they desire to die - it's that they are tired of the pain. It's that they've forgotten how to live. And, as impossible as it seems, any of us can succumb to the deadly disease of hopelessness. Can forget that we are loved. That we are treasured. Can become so consumed by the pain that we lose sight of everything else. 

It's a neurological fact that fear blocks logic. That you are far less likely to think rationally when you're afraid than when you feel secure. And deep down in the soul of all desperate people is a single fear that overrides them all: fear of the dark. Fear of what the dark will do. Fear of what the dark will show. And sometimes that fear can eliminate all possibility of redemption - simply because there seems to be no way. 

The way forward when there appears to be no way is The Way. The One who is truth and life and hope and love. The One who always makes a way because even the hard ways are leading toward His ways. 

Whatever pain dropped you into this ocean you feel you're drowning in, let me say this: I've drifted on such oceans before and I've wrestled with the seeming reality that this felt like the end of me. I've stared at the waves that threatened to swallow me right up and cried out for help, only to feel like I heard silence in return. I've paddled and swam for all I was worth until I exhausted myself and felt I couldn't struggle anymore. I've looked around and found no helper in sight anywhere. I grown desperate and I've felt alone and I've been on the verge of giving up because it looked like there was no way forward. 

But here's the strange thing I discovered: in the moment, all it looks like is probably not all there is. And often the dark clouds above you and the dark depths beneath hold a special mercy for the broken, and you are bourn up on waters of goodness when you least think it. When it feels like you are drowning into the worst storm-waves you could possibly fathom, the truth is - you are actually drowning in a sea of grace. You are kept by God. 

When it seems like you are falling out of all things good and your story has taken the worst turn ever, remember this: you are simply falling into greater levels of love than you ever dreamed. Because at your lowest, there is still hope. And the promise that "beneath you are the everlasting arms" is never more true than precisely at that point. 

Every soul that ever quit on the story failed to realize one thing: being brave isn't about being tough - it's about being dependent. And holding out isn't about some unrealistic faith that believes in a goodness that never comes for you in the end - it's about courageously putting one foot in front of the other and claiming the sure fact that, not only does "joy come in the morning" but it also comes in the mourning, too. And even the Savior Himself blessed those who grieve and mourn and promised they would be comforted. 

God never leaves the chapters of your life suspended without resolution. You may feel suspended now but whatever is today won't be forever, and you will one day find yourself drifting into shore and setting your wobbly legs on solid ground once again. The old, "this too shall pass" is more accurate than you know, for He always brings His faithful ones through no. matter. what. 

So hold on for the dawn. There may be no trace of it now, but there will be someday. And, until then, trust that you are seen and heard and known by the One who cares more deeply for you than you'll ever understand. And the renewal that is on its way to you will be worth all the dark days it took for you to reach it.