Releasing-Hold

 Lately, I'm learning a lot about letting go... 

Seems I'm being called to turn loose of things I've long held onto in order to pry open these clenched fists and allow them to hold love once again. To be emptied in order to be filled with something more. Some-One more. 

And isn't that just how He's always working?

It isn't often how you dream it'll happen when you first start out: hopes and goals seem limitless and you expect so much and you never guess it'll one day fall apart...but then... 

Then comes the unplanned diagnosis...

Then comes the unexpected falling out... 

Then comes the unforeseen falling away...

And, before you know it, the landscape of your life has changed, and you're not sure what to do about it. You wonder what went wrong.

Was it you?

Was it them? 

A bit of both?

Random occurrence?

Regardless of the reason, it's all over now. You feel broken and like some precious, sacred thing you once prized has just been ripped out of your grasp. And the only thing you're left with are shaking, empty hands. Suddenly, everything you knew (or thought you did) has been turned on its head, and you're not certain where to go from here. 

For as many moments as I've had like this in my life, it always feels like I am asked to circle back around to this lesson - like I keep having to be reminded of it time and time again: it's okay to not know. 

It's okay to not understand everything. To not be control of anything. To not see a thing. It's okay. 

Why? 

Because He said it would be.

I find my mind running toward all I've had to release of late and part of me just wants to keep going back. Perhaps there's a bit of Lot's wife in me that still thinks it was better then and loses sight of what's to come. Wishes for the what-was instead of keeps eyes fixed on the new, the fresh, the ahead. I still drift into old habits, old thoughts, and feel the regrets or the might-have-beens seeping into my soul. 

But then I remember... 

I remember it's a truth that's always been and always will be - that there will never be growth, never be progress, never be change unless we release. Hold on and you'll never become who you're supposed to. Like water without a constant moving, you'll begin to stagnate - to rot and deteriorate. Because if you don't keep bravely going forward - if you aren't willing to let Him give and take according to His pleasure - you'll begin to soul-die. You'll fail to live. 

Loss of all things is what prepares us to receive even greater gifts. Like anything, you can't make room for the new unless you're willing to part with the old. 

Some things are worth retaining and we keep them in the heart forever, but some things outgrow their season and must find a new purpose. Some things can only be fully appreciated once we've let them go and made space for a better thing to come fill the void. 

I keep telling myself that it's alright to sit back and trust the One who's guiding it all. Even though I know that full well, I still don't live it always. Still doubt it. Try to sabotage it. 

But it's the only way I'll ever discover what's really in store for me. If I held onto everyone and everything I love forever, I'd never find the joy of finding out new paths, new opportunities, new people, fresh Grace. 

And so this process must go on... 

Endings have to happen. 

But through it all, however painful, I will one day look back and realize that the plan was good. It always is.