An Example Of Christ

 It's been five years since he was suddenly and unexpectedly taken from this earth. The morning had dawned like any other. His roommate had left early to go someplace, and he was doing laundry at his apartment. The day before, he had taken his law school entrance exam and had spent the evening celebrating with friends. He would never know whether he passed the exam or not. Upon his roommate arriving back to the apartment that next morning, he was met at the door by the dog acting strange. Upon calling his name, there was no response. The roommate found him slumped over by the dryer - he was dead of a heart attack at the young age of 31. 

A brilliant military career and a bright future practicing law were suddenly over, and his family was left to mourn the shocking news that their beloved son and brother was gone. The brave Marines he had served with were left to grieve the death of their sergeant and leader - a man they had willingly followed into battle and fought alongside, trusting him and his decisions with their lives. 

But it wouldn't be for another three years before I would learn of the death of my friend and, in that moment, my world would be shattered. A valuable presence in my life, gone. A treasured friendship, over. 

I've had over a year and a half to process this news. To find a way forward without a best friend. To imagine a life without someone who meant the world to me. Someone who strangely felt like family from the very moment I met him. 

There have been so many dark, tear-filled days. Grief has its way of consuming a person for awhile. Of so altering their life as they've known it that the pain is impossible to describe. Sometimes they wonder if they'll ever feel alive again, willing to love again. It's a process they will be discovering for the rest of their lives. 

As I've wrestled for months with my questions and my thoughts, relived memories and pondered the legacy of my friend, I've come to realize something very profound that has somehow sweetened my grief. 

My dear Alex came into my life at a time when I had little faith. Loss had visited my life frequently in the last couple of years as friends died and so did my grandfather. Other friendships lay strained, and my own father's health had only recently begun to improve after a nearly two-year battle with a life-threatening health condition. My world had been filled with extended stays in the hospital, doctors appointments, caretaking responsibilities, and so many other things that no 19-20 year-old should ever have to deal with. My belief in God, His love, and His plan was strained to say the least. I suffered from a severe battle with depression and anxiety, one I kept hidden from most people as I wasn't sure I could be vulnerable enough to admit that I was losing hope, losing faith. 

Wearied and disillusioned from all I'd been through, I had reached a low point where I knew I needed saving. Knew I needed help. I wanted to believe. I just wasn't sure if I could or how. Into this darkness had shown a light just weeks earlier - a young Christian athlete slightly older than me whose faith gave me hope that, in time, I could believe. That my life and my story, however painful, could be used by God to make a difference in the world. And so, I prayed the most daring prayer of my life: that I was willing to do whatever it took to gain what that young person had. I wanted that for myself. Wanted to be that light. Wanted to showcase that Jesus. I had no clue where to start, but I was willing to let God lead me out of the dark. It would take two years before my final surrender, but this was the beginning. And I simply asked God to show me the way forward. 

Two weeks later, on a phone call to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland, a young Marine named Alex entered my life. In the span of a few minutes of conversation, our lives were forever linked as past individual history became collective history. As stories intersected and hearts bonded together. I remember hanging up the phone that day and feeling as if I'd just experienced one of the most life-changing moments I'd ever witnessed. 

Over the next six years, our connection would only grow stronger, deeper, as we faced dark days together. Long conversations over loss, how to forgive, how to hope again. And somehow, in the soul of this young man, I was drawn into authentic vulnerability that allowed my heart to open up with my own pain. His genuine honesty gave birth to my own. 

As I look back on the precious yet brief time we knew one another, I see a picture of Christ. After all, I knew from the very beginning that the very existence of our friendship was an answer to prayer. I needed God to show up in my life big time - to prove in some way to me that my personal heartache had a purpose. Alex was that answer. God gave me someone to help, someone to love at a time when I wasn't sure if my soul had the capacity to do so. I had built up walls of protection around myself that most other people couldn't penetrate...but he could. Because he was real about himself. God knew I needed him as much as he needed me. 

Alex reflected the heart of Jesus to me in so many ways. He showed me what it's like to be unconditionally loved, to be accepted for who you are just the way you are. He taught me how to trust someone I'd never met or seen, exemplifying how I ought to trust God when I can't see Him either. He showcased selfless service and what going above and beyond for those you love really looks like. He proved to me what undying commitment and loyalty feels like and what sacrifice means when you're willing to lay down your own life for those you love. He allowed me a glimpse into what true camaraderie and community is by sharing the stories of his fallen friends, imaging the kind of bond God wants me to have with the relationships He's placed in my own life. 

My friendship with Alex drew me closer into friendship with God and, as God worked in my heart, I was able to bring Him closer to Alex. I never would've guessed that such a relationship could lead me deeper into the Gospel and cause me to see the heart of God in such a personal way. Watching God orchestrate such an amazing series of events in which two lives on opposite sides of the country would be brought together began to chip away at my unbelief and disillusionment, thus enabling me to begin trusting Him concerning everything in my life. 

While I miss my friend terribly and life just hasn't been the same (and won't ever be the same) without him, I also know my life was richer for having known him at all. Even though I would've loved more time, I'm glad I had the time with him I did. Those six years changed my life. He changed my life. And God changed my life through him. When I look back, I see a beautifully broken picture of two people who found hope again because God caused their paths to cross. 

And so today, I honor him - as I've sought to do on so many occasions and continue to seek to do. The grief is still an ever-present reality but it is mixed with thankfulness and gratitude that I had the privilege of loving and learning from someone so special. His heart still lives on in mine, inspiring and driving me to live and love with even greater passion, reminding me that God's plans for us often go far above anything we can ever dream.