Never Wasted

 The tears have flowed freely of late as I've felt the healing drive deep and seen the prayer-answers fulfilled a decade after they were asked. The soul is thawing, and I'm seeing His plan laid out like never before. Seeing that He always makes a way...His way...where there seems to be no way. And I want to shout it from the rooftops right now: don't give up. Endure. And be patient. Because when it looks like He's most done with you is when He's just getting started. And He's never done with us. Ever. 

A hug changed everything. A simple hug. And now the tears start flowing again... 

Sometimes you can alter a life, can change somebody's world, simply by loving them through anything. You can make them believe again just by being Jesus to them. Can give them a lifeline of hope in their darkest day by being the Light for them when they want to give up. Show up, and you just might get to be part of a miracle. 

I think back to a recent visit with a friend who has played a significant role in my journey to Grace. Until a few weeks ago, friendship had to span miles. Had to bridge years. Had to continue in spite of distance, time, and struggle. But somehow, even the darkest days didn't break it. Because love is stronger in the name of Jesus from whom it comes. And when we finally got to see one another, I've never felt a thankfulness such as I did in that powerful moment. Because when you know you're seen and understood and loved just for who you are, it shakes up everything. And you're never the same. 

And there's something powerful about being in the presence of someone to whom the mere gift of presence is enough. And you don't even have to exchange words to connect. You can just exist and know that the other person gets it. And a hug can say all you need it to. And love can heal a broken heart. 

I realize that this is the beginning of a two-year process of remembrance - because the path to resurrection started a decade ago this Spring. I saw the Light in others, and I cried out for hope. Daylight couldn't chase away soul-shadows. Heart-darkness. The longing for a purpose that would drive me to embrace life again. The aching to be loved. The desire to simply feel alive again. Oh, the things I would say to twenty-year-old me if I could... 

When you know you're deeply loved, that you're chosen and called holy...there is no room for shame. There is no place for hiding. Because you know that you're living a miracle. And that mercy is behind every step of your life. So you choose to face the valleys in faith, knowing that He is always more. That He is forever good. And that His love is enough for you. 

When you've been down the dark road and survived...somehow you live each day with a defiant joy. And these things that shook you to the very core didn't have the final word because God's grace is greater. And, years down the line, you see that God heard...even when you thought at the time that He'd left you altogether. And you beg forgiveness for believing the lie that He is even capable of abandoning. Because no matter how bad things get, God never leaves. And we are always held together. 

You see that your life as it is now is what you always searched for but thought you could never find. And the very things you ruled out as being myth were, in reality, the very things that brought about your deliverance and your hope. The directions you least desired to go were actually the exact roads that God walked you down in order to give you His best. And now, you see it all for what it is...grace. It is always grace. Amazing grace. 

And we are never left alone. 

I laugh at this crazy life. I laugh because it's turned out to be just. that. wow. And just. that. awesome. Because the God who is Master of all things wow and awesome has written for me a story I could never create but one that I grow to be more in love with by the day. And I fall on my knees in humble gratitude because I know that, if this heart hadn't broken, then my eyes never would have opened to see this life for what it is and what God wants it to be. I had to be driven to the point of despair in order for me to know hope.

And just maybe you're there too, friend?

It is possible to live with a full heart after you've lost it all. It is possible to believe again when you've written faith off as myth. It is possible to love again and be loved when you've had trust broken and walled off your soul to relationship. It is possible to hope again after you've thrown your hands up in despair. It's possible because the One who makes all things new is in the business of doing the impossible. And all He asks of us is to trust. 

I sit back in amazement and marvel that Grace has brought me this far. And I tell myself that Grace will, indeed, lead me home. To a place where, someday, hardship and sadness will no longer exist. But until then, Grace will continue to open my eyes to the little ways in which Heaven shows up here on earth. To the demonstrations of His love and the gentle guiding of His providential hand. 

The words rush into my mind, and I savor them deep: 

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth,

do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

(Isaiah 43:19)

Nothing is ever wasted in the Kingdom of God, I remind myself. Not your tears. Not your pain. Not your depression. Not your anxiety. Not your hopelessness. Not your shame. Because God never stops re-making you. Re-shaping you. Resurrecting you. And even the things you've deemed the end of you have turned out to be the beginning of something beautiful in His time. And after enduring the seasons of parched ground and the beating of the sun of adversity to the point where you thought you'd might as well quit and not live, you now find yourself drinking of the waters of life as streams in the wilderness water your soul and you are revived. Renewed. Restored. Redeemed. 

So let the tears of thankfulness roll as you bless God for how He's led. And let yourself raise one Ebenezer-stone after another, commemorating the many ways in which healing has found and continues to find you, all the while holding every moment as gift and knowing that continued choosing of gratitude, continued choosing of faith over fear, continued living in grace is your sustaining hope. 

Endure, soul. All this is worth it. He is coming soon and one day, all this will be no more. One day, all this will make sense. But until then, "hold fast to what you have, so that no one may seize your crown" (Revelation 3:11).