The Paradox of Christianity

 "God is good, but life is hard."

That's how one blogger recently put it as he reflected on what he termed "the paradox of Christianity." His New Year's Day was much like my own - one of unexpectedly mixed emotions as beginnings and endings were all rolled into one single day. He spent the day with his family overlooking the Grand Canyon, contemplating the sunrise and the promise of a fresh start in another year. A few hours later, he was grieving a text he'd prepared himself for but one that still hit him hard - a close friend had died of cancer. In that moment, he said he felt the collision of realities - the hope that comes from knowing God is still good but the grief that presents itself in the wake of earthly loss. 

My New Year's turned out to be much the same. My family and I spent New Year's Eve as we always do: watching the old favorite "It's A Wonderful Life" and being reminded that there is often much good to be found if we're only willing to look for it. Later, as midnight rolled around, we watched fireworks in our neighborhood, running from window to window to see the colorful display light up the dark sky. In these cold, winter days, the fireworks are a welcome bit of cheer. Just a burst of light, of color, when everything is so dark and dormant. And with January, there comes a promise that the light will begin to increase soon and spring won't be too far away. 2019 arrived with hope. 

New Year's Day went as usual: watching the Rose Parade in the morning, enjoying college football during the day, eating our traditional Mexican tamale dinner in the evening. These traditions are ones I savor. Because time keeps rolling on, and we can never wind it back and re-do these moments. 

A cruel reminder of this truth came a few hours into the day: a tweet saying one of my co-workers (and a community icon with a legacy bigger than most) had suddenly passed away. I texted my boss and asked for details. Heart attack leaving a New Year's get-together the night before, he said. Suddenly, the hope of a new beginning was contrasted by the reality of a sudden ending. Instead of continuing to celebrate New Year's, I felt more like I wanted to mourn. Added onto a phone call later that day when a friend had to pour out her soul over a tense family situation, I climbed into bed that night feeling like all I wanted to do was leave this hurting world and wish Heaven to arrive sooner. 

I could've cared less about what was ahead in the New Year. I just felt tired in the soul. Worn out. Already spent of spiritual vigor and grieving an unexpected loss. While this individual who passed was elderly, he was in relative good condition, so his death was sudden for all who knew him. On top of the recent earthquake, it felt as though his loss shook our community in an entirely different way. 

In the days that followed, I struggled to cope with this paradox, this contrast of spiritual realities. The question kept coming to my mind: how does one remain defiantly joyful when life tells you otherwise? 

I put on a sermon one afternoon that week and plugged in my headphones while I rested for a bit. Took a soul time-out. Made the heart-shaking stop. The message was titled "A Storm-Tossed Man." And I felt that deep. Yes, I felt severely storm-tossed. Then, mid-sermon, a bit of comfort as the minister said, 

"It is no accident that Jesus had to calm a storm en route to cast demons out of a man on the other side of the Sea of Galilee. The Jesus who calmed the sea calmed the storm inside of the man, and He does the same for you and me." 

A peace fell over my aching heart. A timely word that I needed to hear. After the message, I put on some worship music and began to sing. Sing the hurt out of my spirit. Try to find the praise even when life hurts so deep you can barely breathe.

And this - this is a lesson I'm beginning to understand: life will always have a mixture of joy and sorrow. Both realities live together in this fallen world. But we need them both. We need the joy to help us appreciate the bountiful blessings God has given us, to enjoy this one life we get to live to the greatest extent. But we also need the sorrow to remind us that this earth is not all there is. That we are each hastening to a certain end. And we have no idea when that end will come. But it comes for all. And we must be ready, having lived life the best we knew how. Having made all right with God and man to the best of our ability. Fully prepared to head for eternity at any point. Living with this in view makes one purposeful, determined to live this one life well. Fixed on the intent of living the Light, of radiating the Gospel, of glorifying God and relying on grace every day that we are given. 

Grace is meted out to us to accept both realities. To welcome this paradox and face it for it's presence in all our lives. And the way we can continue to walk through whatever may come and do so with hope is to lean into that grace and keep telling ourselves that God is still sovereign. God has never left us, and He never will. God has not allowed anything than He hasn't already foreseen, and even the broken and ugly will be made beautiful in His time. 

So let this drive you deeper into grace as you navigate whatever troubled waters may come your way in 2019: 

Life is hard. That is true. But God is still good, and we are still loved. Always.