Within minutes, an otherwise peaceful weekend of celebrating my parents' anniversary is painfully interrupted. The sounds of EMT's arriving for an unexpected drive to the hospital break the norm of a regular Saturday morning. A trip to the ER room follows as my dad is evaluated for a diagnosis and course of treatment. The day drags on into the next before we find out that surgery on Monday is the solution.
My chest tightens. My mind runs to the traumatic moments I've experienced in this hospital. My body won't listen anymore - it takes on a reaction of its own. While I attempt to choose faith, fear often seems like the better (and easier) option. But I tell myself that I must believe. That the Healer who has walked through all of my valleys will walk through this one with me yet again...
I then receive the text that a friend has just been admitted with a life-threatening condition as well. I head down to his room in the ER as I leave the hospital to go home for awhile. I see him lying there, helpless. I yes...I feel helpless in the soul as well. But as I set eyes on him there, I know that this is just another opportunity for God to work and do what He does best...perform miracles.
Each one of us is a living miracle - a walking story of God's faithfulness and grace. But so many times we choose the natural response to our sufferings...we choose fear instead of faith. We forget the many miracles already performed. We'd rather trust our own judgement instead of resting in the promises of God given to us for our comfort. We ignore the fact that there is such a thing as providence - that every event in life...even the things seemingly most injurious and sorrowful...have been ordained into the mysterious plan of God for our life and that of others around us.
As I attempt to breathe in His life and His ever-present peace, I remind myself that life takes courage. We can't count on anything to be certain each day...other than the truth that He is unchanging and true. We cannot rely on anything to remain the same or to hold firm outside of the knowledge that a sovereign God is holding onto us and will sustain us no matter the storms that rage. What He told those disciples who panicked when the boat was about to sink is what He tells this weak heart still today, " Why are you so fearful, oh you of little faith? (Matt. 8:26)"
As I face another day, I recall to mind that His goodness will be ever with me and that I have no reason to fear, no place for anxiousness, because if He can hold the world in His mighty hands, He can hold this moment too. And so I speak it to my fretting soul: you of little faith - be brave dear girl. Look up. For, in this very minute, a miracle is waiting to be given.