When God Is All You Have

 Sometimes there are moments... seasons even... where it feels like God is all you have left.  

These times are lonely yet clarifying, difficult yet hopeful. They strip us of all that has been previously important and leave us with nothing but the presence of the Master, calling us to come close to Him and trust Him when everything else has fallen apart. This refining process is, perhaps, the greatest gift God can offer us - to let us discover the emptiness of everything else in order to find out the beauty of what it means to take shelter under the comforting presence of His loving arms. But so many of us fight these periods in our lives because we haven't yet experienced what it truly means to have a Friend in Jesus who bears all our griefs in full and asks that we hand over our pains and let Him fill the space with Himself. 

The last several weeks have brought with them quite a mix of emotions for me. At a time when I am experiencing some of the happiest moments, living in answered prayers and dreams such as becoming a published author for the very first time, I have also been walking through a time of intense loneliness and longing. I have had wonderful support and friendship from others who have celebrated my recent success from near and afar, and I have received and appreciated it all with a grateful heart. Yet this journey has also carried an underlying sadness as I realize some of the people who sowed the seeds for this dream I'm now living and shaped the person I have become are not here to see this moment. My grandmother, who used to tell me over and over as a kid that I needed to someday share my words with the world, passed fifteen years ago on the very week my book came out in print this year. My best friend Alex, whose sudden death I touch on in the chapter I wrote in the book, isn't here to see this either and instead, I'm sending a signed copy as a gift to his parents in memory of him. A few others who sat with me through the dark season I describe in the book chose not to stay with the story and are not part of my life now to see the redemptive side. For all the varied reasons listed above, I miss each one of these special people. And I also have come to realize that the space they left behind has yet to filled. Not that I would want them replaced, but when your circle changes and community looks different, you need others to step into the void... and very, very few have. 

This is an unexpected result of loss and transition: that, at a time when you most need others to lean in and come near, they are often the least available or aware. Sometimes you walk through these periods when even your most in-tune people just happen to be too busy with their own life to give you what you need, and it just. feels. so. lonely. Maybe you've been there. I know I have. And it's times like these make you realize that God is the only dependable thing you have. Busyness, betrayal, heartache, loss... in whatever way life and people let you down, you will forever be reminded that nothing is lasting except the love and kindness of God. When other helpers and comforts fade, God still remains. 

Now, I fully know... and God does also... just how important community is for the journey. You cannot heal or be fully alive without it. And believe me, in this season of life I've been feeling the need for it and doing my best to create and seek it. Yet I also think there are times when God allows there to be silence and distance so we will discover our only consolation is in Him. There will be seasons when the support of others falls short and the only thing we appear to have left is God and, while the loss and the pain are certainly most real and valid, equally evident is the gentle Grace that steps into the wreckage and assures us that He will make even this beautiful. 

Loneliness is real. To experience it is human. Science shows that the impact of it can have a devastating impact on our health. We attempt to avoid it at all costs. And well we should because togetherness matters just that much. However... if we never tasted it... sat with it... felt it run deep... would we ever discover our great need for the only One who can truly satisfy us? It's a question worth asking and one that has the ability to change our life. To be left with nothing but God isn't necessarily the worst thing. Perhaps it's actually the best thing, for it leads us to a point where we accept and thank God for what is given while still holding it all with open hands... a point where we embrace and believe that He is enough and all the rest is added blessing. 

Into the emptiness we invite you, Lord. Come in and take up the space as only You can.