Purposefully Rerouted

 We've all had those times when we're driving along and we come across a sign that says "detour" or "alternative route → way." Whatever road we were planning to take to wherever we're headed to is now no longer and option and we suddenly find ourselves having to adapt: the journey may take us significantly out of our way and will likely be longer than we originally planned, necessitating that we accept we'll be late to the destination we had in mind. In short, we are being rerouted, and there is nothing we can do about it. 

If you're like me, driving hasn't been the only time this has happened to you; it's occurred in your personal life, too. You've had seasons and moments where change has hit you out of nowhere and you realize that your pathway to certain goals or dreams or plans has been altered forever. There is no going back, and you are not as much in control of the journey as you thought. A route has been laid out for you that trumps any ambitions or ideas you came up with and you are left only to argue with it or learn to accept it... and you soon find out that the latter is the better choice. 

Seventeen years ago this month, my forever-detour occurred. Within a matter of a couple of days, my dad went from being seemingly fine to nearly being at death's door. Looking back and recalling the grim reactions from the doctors who admitted him to the hospital, I'm still in shock that he ever survived. He, and the rest of us in the family, lived through a real-time miracle. I knew that, but I also resisted the detour for a long while afterwards. While there was some gratitude for the life-saving work of the medical community and, most importantly, the mercy of God, there was also anger for what appeared to have so rudely interrupted my life: my high school graduation celebration with my grandparents being canceled as well as my summer plans to travel... all these things that I felt I'd been robbed of made me bitter at the circumstances. I didn't handle my redirection very well. 

See, this is the part it took me so long to work through: very quickly one can realize that the re-route is happening, whether you want it to or not. You come to the conclusion early on that to deny that a detour is in play is ridiculous. You are pretty much required to go along because these situations that are happening are not of your desire or choice and you're just along for the ride. However, the fact that this redirection is intentional is the harder part to accept. That this unexpected switch in life could have any purpose behind it seems insensitive and cruel. 

On so many occasions, I would wrestle with the fact that the things that were going on felt so harsh on God's part. Why on earth would He allow something like this to happen? Why would He take us all through such an extended health scare that literally drained the life right out of us? Why would the suffering continue for years afterward with no sign of letting up? Why did the re-route appear to take me further and further from where I wanted to go? It all felt so callous and unkind. 

Perhaps you know how that feels and have asked the same thing... 

Yet, through the haze of it all, I continued to have this divine sense that even if I didn't understand right now, I would someday. Maybe at a later time I would have the perspective with which to make sense of the darkness, the isolation, the anger, the confusion, the disappointment I felt in that season. In the fog of life's battles, there was still a call going forth to "just trust Me." I didn't want to trust God initially. His route only seemed to be leading me away from where I hoped to be. But slowly, it dawned on me that this reroute just might be taking me home. This just could be the better way because it was the way that took control out of my own hands and placed it all in God's. 

Close to two decades later, that "someday" I once thought of, in which I would perhaps better see the reason behind why this all went the way it did, is here. I get it now. I didn't grasp it then, but I do today. I know that all this had to go this way. I had to go this way. It was necessary, from God's point of view, that my life be purposefully rerouted. The things He wanted me to say and do and the person I desired I become couldn't happen unless my heart was broken, my plans upended, my trajectory changed. Without being divinely disrupted, I could not discover what He had in mind. 

This is where healing is a process, friends. It may be reasonable to accept the literal aspects of the detour and what it means for your immediate future - to realize that transitions are happening without really any of your consent and you are stuck following the road ahead. But it may be harder to think that such delays or denials carry with them a design and an intention from which there is really no escape. That a loving purpose is behind what you are now facing and that this is, in some hidden way, meant for your ultimate good. 

When I used to lie in bed, exhausted from weeks on end of being in caregiver mode to my father as he recovered, hyper-vigilant from being attentive to his every need (day or night), stressed from the mood swings he had while on some pretty potent medications, lonely because it felt like we were doing so much of this on our own, depressed and angry because it felt like God didn't care about us anymore... during those times I'd stare at the ceiling and wonder if this nightmare was ever going to end and if life would get better again, it felt unreasonable to believe that any of this was for my good. Talk like that seemed crazy. And yet... over time, I was able to start noticing the little grace-moments in my pain and I begun to see that trusting God was my only hope of survival. 

Since that season all those years ago, I've had even more reroutes than that one. I've lost more loved ones, had more endings, felt more pain, bore the impact of it all in a body that now carries emotional and physical evidence of this road I've traveled. It hasn't been fun. It hasn't been easy. But I've gradually come around to the conviction that being on this path with God is far better than staying on the road I planned and doing so without Him. At least, in doing this journey His way, I have the peace of knowing His blessing is with me, regardless of what the future holds. 

Being rerouted in life is inevitable. It will happen, whether you ask for it or not. But the difference comes in whether you believe it is purposeful. If God is intentionally redirecting you for a greater good, then even the bitter things carry their own sweetness. Arriving at a place where you can, in faith, receive and embrace this fact may take time. Yet the goal is that you get there eventually. Because accepting this truth changes everything. I personally know this to be true! It doesn't mean that the heartbreak isn't there or the loss never happened or the changes aren't difficult. It just means that there's a kindness in the shadows that you'll someday learn you couldn't live without. 

So if you're on your own detour and maybe struggling to see that it has a purpose behind it, know that I understand how you feel. I can relate! But know this also: God's intentional redirection may just be what saves you. You might not understand or see it now but sometime down the journey, you'll be able to notice the bigger picture if you just keep your eyes open and let the road reveal itself to you. Let God show up in your pain. While this horrible thing may feel like the end of the world right now, I can promise you it's only the beginning of where God can take you and how He will use this.  

Give the pathway some time. 

Give God some time.

You'll understand later on.