Not For Sale

 It came to my mind the other day as I was having a conversation with my mom about boundaries and their importance. We were talking about why it's necessary to enforce certain things that matter to you... because if your personal fences are always open to everyone and anything, you will begin to feel trespassed upon, plundered, devalued, controlled. And that's when the simple truth hit me: some things in life are not for sale. Certain things just simply can't be infringed upon...unless you allow them to be. They are a few choice things that define and direct everything in your life, and they must be protected at all costs. Pure and simply, they are yours to keep and guard - and yours alone.   

I began to reflect on what some of those things are for myself - non-negotiables that shape my whole way of thinking and being - and I started to realize how universal they actually are. While intensely personal, they are also greatly relatable and necessary to the wellbeing of every living, breathing human. They are the stuff that goes into making us the unique and special person that we are, created in the image of God and placed on this planet for a very choice reason that we discover as we live out our divine purpose. The come in the form of experiences we have, values that are instilled, desires we acquire, goals we set, thoughts we think, actions we do. They inform our emotions, our beliefs, our very self in the deepest part of who we are. And these things, however much we share them with the world, are still our very own. 

See, what often happens is that we become like a business: our dreams begin to come to fruition, we start to share what we've got with humanity, we become pretty skilled and successful at it, and we try to do it with the utmost passion and intention. But over time, somebody comes along and makes a good offer: we'll buy you out on these conditions and you'll never have to worry about your business or your bank account ever again. It seems appealing at first. Gosh! What a deal! And yet... something tells us that if we take this offer, we'll lose a part of who we are. We'll sacrifice something sacred in ourselves for a deal that may or may not pan out. And somebody may take over that doesn't share the vision we have... and it may cost us. But even so, we get enticed by the prospects and soon, we've given in. With regret, we hand over the keys and say goodbye. 

Now, there are times when a deal like this is actually an answered prayer and everything turns out okay. But when it comes to the things personally that matter most - the stuff of internal value - it rarely ends up being a win for both sides. Often, somebody wins and somebody loses... and the one that loses is usually us. We let ourselves get talked into emotional, spiritual, relational compromises that, bit by bit over time, begin to eat us up and take from us one piece at a time. The people and situations behind these decisions and sacrifices slowly start to have more and more power over us until one day, we look in the mirror and ask ourselves what's left. Who have we allowed ourselves to become? 

As a recovering compliant, I can relate to all this is such a deep way. I know what it's like to make those initially tiny compromises...those mini-deals that add up over time until, in the name of pleasing people and accepting another identity or reality, you find that there is hardly anything of your soul left. Your passion is gone, and you regret that you ever let things get this far. In order to keep the peace, meet expectations, satisfy another's needs, you neglected your own for too long and allowed your voice, your vision, your very basic self to be silenced and ignored. To become subservient to the image and wants of another. To become enslaved. Trapped. 

I'm realizing that one of the first steps out of this scenario is understanding that things like your own peace of mind, your personal satisfaction, your emotional and physical safety, your values, your spiritual beliefs, your personality, your life-story, your mental and bodily health needs, your thoughts, your experiences - these are all things that are not for sale.  Like in the movies where you see a business or homeowner fight the ruthless investment agency or infringing neighbor for their rightful property, we need to be willing to find our voice, speak up, and confidently protect what belongs to us. While we as humans share many things in this world, our own histories and who they've made us to be are special to us. They are gifts from God that have shaped how we live and think about everything. And we need to honor them. Appreciate them. Guard them. 

There are times when we need to build a boundary and post a "no trespassing" sign. We need to tell certain people in our life that whatever it is they are wanting is not up for grabs. It's taken. Spoken for. We hold the inner power, through the Holy Spirit, to safeguard those things that mean the most to us and cannot under any circumstances be compromised. To do so would violate our very self, and there is no way that we can, in a good conscience, do that. We must graciously fight for what is ours and feel no shame in doing so. It may not be popular. It may not be understood. It may even cause some temporary discomfort as limitations are drawn and conditions set. 

Others can always be the ones bringing a deal to the table. We have negotiating power, too. And we need to feel comfortable and settled in ourselves enough to use it when necessary. Because the ability to defend what is sacredly yours will, in the long run, set you free. This doesn't mean you have to be rude about it or lord it over other people. You can do it diplomatically. But you have to be willing not to be talked out of certain things and, if necessary, walk away or change course. Learning to identify what is not for sale in your life will bring you greater peace and clarity and strength than you ever thought possible. And, while it may take all the courage that you've got to enforce it, you will never regret it for the rest of your life. 

What do you need to post a "not for sale" sign on in your life today?