Look For The Light

 I know a thing or two about darkness. 

Darkness of the chilly, arctic winters...

And darkness of the soul. 

I never knew darkness had so much to teach me... until that's all there was. 

See, unless we lose the light temporarily, we cannot appreciate it fully. Neither can we learn the lessons of the dark. 

There can be many reasons for how we end up in the darkness: our own personal decisions, the control or manipulation of others, false expectations, health struggles, loss and grief, life transitions, sudden changes, spiritual wrestling, betrayal, relational tensions. A multitude of things, both in and out of our control, can contribute to seasons in our life where it feels as though we are in the deepest, darkest place we've ever walked through. It feels as though the light is gone forever. Even God seems remote and uncaring. 

This is the reality of finding yourself in spaces you never asked for and never wanted. It's the sense of being completely lost and afraid, filled with questions you can't answer and emotions you can't describe. It's the silence of crying tears only you and God can see. Of your heart breaking in places and in ways that even your closest ones know nothing about. The isolating feeling of the unknown. The confusion of the unpredictable. Perhaps even the guilt or shame of what God you here. 

Many times, I have felt this deep in my soul. I've stared out into the darkest winter nights and thought, Yup...that's EXACTLY how I feel on the inside. The only light seemingly being whatever is external. There is no spark within. Not even the faintest flicker. And one sort of starts to believe the lie that this will go on forever and you'll never see the sunrise again. The Enemy tries to tell you that hope is a pipe dream and you're better off accepting this as your long-term reality instead of daring to think that one day, things will get better. 

And yet... 

What I came to understand after multiple times of going through seasons like this was that the light never actually left. As pitch-black as my life may have felt at the time, there were still glimmers everywhere. I just needed to adjust my vision in order to see them. There were still stars. There was still the moon. There were flashes of God in the dark all over the place! Maybe they came in the form of a compassionate friend who offered their shoulder to cry on and their ears to listen. Or a little timely message or kind deed that helped ease the suffering just a bit. Perhaps it was through something as small as a purchase being on sale or a song with words that felt like soothing balm. Whatever the messenger or moment through which they arrived, they were still rays of hope. Tiny reminders to keep going. They were guides that gave me enough direction to keep moving forward... just for today. One step at a time. 

I don't know what you may be going through in your life right now. Maybe you've just come out of a dark season, are just entering one, or have been in the throes of one for a long while. Whatever your status, I felt I needed to remind you to keep looking for the light. Every minute that you choose to do so is an act of courage that pushes back against that darkness that wants to swallow you whole. Every time you decide that you will believe - today. right here. right now - you are exercising your mustard-seed faith and believing the existence of the light - of God - however distant it may appear. 

You don't need to see the entire picture. You possibly couldn't handle knowing what's ahead if God told you. All He's asking you to do is trust Him in the dark. To still accept that this place is holy and sacred and that, while all your fears and questions and feelings are completely valid, they are likely not fact. God has not left. The light still shines, however obscured. If you continue to take His hand, He will lead you out of the valley and you will see the sunrise once more. No season is for forever. Even this one. 

So, in this moment, choose to notice those glimpses of love and light and hope. Adjust your vision. Like a good soldier, get your night-vision goggles on and begin to see what's been there all along. God is trying to show you that He hasn't forgotten you. Others are likely trying to show you, too. And even though this is probably the scariest, most awful thing you've ever gone through, the darkness can become your teacher and your friend. You can grow here. You can learn here. You can become something beautiful because you've been here. 

Look for the light.