Who Are You...Really?

 Just under two years ago, I stood in front of the mirror and honestly admitted to myself that I didn't know who I was anymore. Years of trying to satisfy toxic expectations, of feeling less than human under the weight of verbally abusive statements, of letting the best of who I was be trampled on by others whose assumptions and conclusions were less than accurate had me looking myself in the eye and realizing that I didn't know the person I was outside of those claims and control. Somewhere along the way, in an attempt to "go along to get along," I had left a valuable part of who I was as a person and had let myself be changed into a version I didn't recognize. 

Perhaps you can relate. 

In that moment, I knew what my next step had to be. As I was now distancing myself from the voices and environments that were sadly responsible for me getting to this point, I recognized that I had to rediscover what makes me who I am: what motivates my decisions and my perspective, what experiences have shaped how I live my life, what things bring me joy and peace of mind, what kinds of people are the best to have around me, what unique traits I can bring to the table. In short, a complete rebuild of confidence and identity was in order. And so it began, a slow and often difficult process which involved reclaiming emotional territory, defining boundaries, hard conversations, finding new experiences and relationships, and so much more. 

Months and months later, I can tell you this: it's been some of the hardest work I've ever had to put into myself but the results are paying off. I can feel the difference. Those closest to me can see it, too. And as I've slogged my way through this process, I've kept funneling everything through this question of, who are you... really? Not, who are you according to the outside world, or to the toxic family members or friends in your life, or to the lies you tell yourself in your own head, or to your workplace or church, or to your audience on social media. No. Who are you at your basic core? Who are you in your most authentic and genuine self? When all the other stuff is stripped away, what is there that uniquely makes up your beautiful being? 

These questions have become more prevalent in my mind as I've also been walking through some difficult circumstances in regards to some dear personal friends. From a toxic marriage to escaping an unhealthy parental situation to defining differences in family matters, I've seen both positive and negative evidence of why embracing your own sovereign personhood as a created individual in the image of God is so important. Because many others will attempt to shape you in their own image rather than that of God Himself and it's up to you to decide to what degree you'll let those people succeed. 

I think we've all had our moments in the mirror where we've asked ourselves why we ever let things get this bad. Why has it taken us so long to take back our personal power and our innate value? Why have we waited to step away from unhealthy people or situations? When our freedom often lies on the other side, why have we put off taking such a meaningful step? I think the answer lies in three reasons: 

1. We are too scared. We're too afraid of either the responses of someone or the potential consequences that could ensue if we dare to own who we truly are. 

2. We are not comfortable enough with our own selves. When you're confident and comfortable in who you are, it's a bit easier to say no or to speak up for yourself or to take necessary steps to protect who you are and what's important to you. But when you've either lost that or never had it to begin with, you can feel unsure of yourself and sometimes resort to just caving under the false self you or those around you have created. 

3. The future is unknown. When you're not sure what your next steps will be if you do take certain measures to change the situation and do what's best for you, the mere thought of the unknown can be enough to make you talk yourself out of going through with it. Matters of safety and logistics and finances so many other factors can scare you away from doing the next right thing for yourself.

With each of these reasons, fear and mistrust play a vital role. We must admit and be honest about that. But the truth is, God says that there is no place for fear in love, especially His love (1 John 4:18). When you believe that you have been chosen, created, and gifted by the God of the Universe, fear can no longer be the motivation for what you do or who you become. Love has to be! And even the threats and accusations and false assumptions of fallible humans around you, as strongly influential as they may seem and feel, even these can't become the defining voices in who you are. The voice of God must be what defines you and gives your life meaning. 

So who are you... really? 

You are a precious soul made in the image of your Creator for His purposes and pleasure. He delights in the very existence of you and knew all about you even before you were a thought in your parents' minds. He knew what He wanted for you in this life and has guided you along the way, even if you haven't always been aware of it. He loves you more than you'll ever comprehend and to Him, you are priceless. You are irreplaceable. You are incomparable. God wanted the world to have you, and that ought to make you like yourself enough to guard the best of what you have to offer and take the measures needed to ensure that those unique parts of yourself are never taken advantage of. 

Next time you're in front of the mirror, I want you to think of all the things you've been told about yourself and tell your sweet, wonderful face that those words, those lies aren't who you are. Who you are is far more than what others (or even yourself!) have probably given you credit for. And it's time you start embracing that person inside that God made and living like you believe what He's said about you is true! 

There will always be detractors and liars and schemers and people just plain out for your downfall and destruction. But they don't have to have the last word because Jesus already has, and you are cherished by Him. The life He offers you is abundant and rich - one filled with purpose and redemption and oh, so much love and grace. As I have begun to tap into that, so I want that for you, also. May we each begin to pick up the pieces we may have lost of ourselves along the way and begin to grow into who He envisions us to be. For it is in doing so that we discover who we were meant to become all along.