Room To Grow (part 2)

 So there's this secondary metaphor... perhaps equally as important, though... that's been rumbling through my head as I keep circling back to the picture of those root-bound plants, desperate for a rescue. I can see the gardener looking at their little leaves, watching them die in front of her eyes and wondering what is the best way to proceed. She mulls over ripping all of it out and considering the flower investment a total loss. She also toys with the idea of saving what she can and throwing out the diseased ones, in hopes of saving something. 

And I'm realizing that this is the same dilemma we all face to some degree in our individual lives. I may not be a gardening-inclined person with the world's greatest green thumb, but I think I know something about asking the question, what stays, and what goes? Don't we all? At some point, we're each forced to take stock of the physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual investment we've made and ask ourselves if it's worth continuing. Do we need to make a change? Do we need to start over? Weed out? 

The honest truth is this: toxicity and disease can creep into any place in our lives if we don't catch it in time, ruining and rotting even the good things we've put valuable time and effort into. Like the gardener with her crop, we can find ourselves wondering what happened and worried over how we're going to curtail the decay that's crept in. Because there are people and situations out there that their sole purpose is to infiltrate your inner goodness and try to destroy you from the inside out. 

A recent read revealed to me that toxicity isn't always obvious, and it can come in many forms. Like any decay, it can slowly work its way in without you even picking up on it until one day, you discover that it's threatening to take over everything and render the best of you a complete failure. Toxicity may not always be that parental figure who's saddled with an addiction, or that boss that won't give you the time of day, or that significant other who won't respect your boundaries, or that sibling that constantly criticizes and judges out of jealousy. 

While these may certainly count as toxic behavior, I feel that we tend to pick up on these types of forms partly because they are more obvious. I think the tricky part comes when it tends to arrive more disguised. When it makes its way in in the form of distraction and discouragement. When it shows up as subtle manipulation or misguided loyalty and you suddenly realize unhealthy people have you wrapped around their finger in a toxic attachment, all because you don't know how to walk away. When it comes as opinion and comment intended to tear down and demean your God-given mission, your beautiful inner light, and your unique gifts to offer this world. Things like this certainly may feel annoying but, in the moment, we might not recognize them for what they are: control. 

One of the most enlightening truths I've ever come across was when an author pointed out that anything or anyone who tells you to compromise the best of yourself or the God-directed purposes you've been given, for YOU, that thing or individual is toxic. Why? Because they are keeping you from your good moments, your fulfilling your deep calling, you using your precious emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical resources to give this world and this one life all you have - to bloom where you're planted in the best possible form you can. 

Waking up to this reality begs the question of if you're willing to weed out the toxicity - to pare down your investment - in order to cultivate valuable relational investments that will help you grow and produce the best fruit in your life. Are you brave enough to accept your losses in those areas that are holding you back and draining you? Are you strong enough to face the fact that not everyone needs to have the same level of access or attention in your life? Some situations and some people deserve all your focus; others maybe not so much. 

Being courageous enough to deal with the things that are rotting away your peace, your inner power, your confidence, your faith, your hope, your joy, etc. is a bold yet necessary move if you want to cultivate meaningful connections and a life you can be proud of. A life God approves of. Letting unhealthy people and situations eat away at you isn't the path to abundance He desires. In fact, He even said that sorting the valuable things from the invaluable was a must if you wanted to store up heavenly treasures (Matt. 13:24-30). 

Every good farmer, every good gardener, knows that weeds, tares, disease will take over if you don't address them. They will choke out your good crop and the things you really want to keep and use. They will infringe upon and take up critical water and sun and nutrients, depriving the good plants of valuable benefits and stunting their growth. And perhaps the same is true for us, also. The longer we let toxicity stay in the fields of our souls, the more damage it will do. 

The way to curbing such damage is removing what doesn't belong and salvaging what does. It's setting healthy limitations without embarrassment. It's letting go and walking away when necessary in order to save your own sanity and protect the very best of who you are. It's making routine and lifestyle changes that help you personally develop and transform so you can be the beautiful human that God designed. Because, in the end, it's not so much that you're against all these people or situations, it's that you're for yourself. You're for God's plan. You're more interested in cultivating and preserving the amazing things He's put within you than you are allowing them to be tainted by lesser motives and behavior. 

The business of weeding out won't be easy. It's hard to pull up relationships or situations you put intentionality towards, only to admit that they've run their course and things didn't end up as you had hoped. However, even as you grieve those endings, realize the value of what you're saving. Remember that you are intending to do more with less and make what's still left in your life, count. It's giving greater focus toward the people and the work that has the most potential to grow and will be of the biggest benefit to both you and them. 

In the previous post, I talked about giving things a second chance. But, in addition, maybe it's okay to go through once in awhile and take stock. Maybe not everything deserves that second chance and a necessary uprooting must take place. Maybe it's actually needful that you spot the toxicity as soon as possible so you can deal with the problem before it gets too big and infests too much. After all, Ecclesiastes said there was "a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted" (Ecc. 3:2) and sometimes, that means before the harvest has arrived. 

Don't be afraid to pull some plants up early. In doing so, you just might save not only yourself but also some special people and things in your life that you'd do well to give some extra love to... love that doesn't deserve to be wasted on relationships and people in your life who won't receive and appreciate it the way it deserves. Water and feed the stuff that matters. You won't ever regret that.