What We Can Control

 I'm sure you know it by now as well as I do - that this planet has felt like a free-fall the last couple years with everything sad and everything mad and this beautiful world going to you-know-where in a hand-basket, leaving us all confused in the wake of such un-doing and breaking. Like me, you've read the headlines and wondered who (if anyone!) is in charge... when or how all this will ever stop and peace will reign again... what (if anything!) you can do to change it all or make it better somehow... and just how you're going to find a way to survive. To hold in the rocking, the shaking. 

In short, it feels out of control, all of it. Feels like everything and everyone has run amuck and there is nothing but uncertainty in front of us. It's hard to dream when you're not even sure what the future will look like and you're stuck in the disruption and chaos of it all, pleading with God for mercy but questioning how He's going to show up. 

Because He feels distant. 

Far away. 

Removed. 

Uncaring. 

I think of how this must've been a similar feeling when David used to sit down to pen his now-infamous psalms. How the threat of death and war and all things suffering seemed so real, so close. How he would pour out his heart in all-out lament and ask God why... why all this? 

Most of us find ourselves asking the same. 

Sometimes when answers seem hidden, you have to keep asking. Because sometimes He keeps you in the dark longer than you like because He's up to something you're not meant to see yet and holding on is all you can do. All you're supposed to do. 

Because one day you'll find out. Just not now. 

And so, you wait. 

These days, for the sake of my own sanity and grounding in the midst of it all, I've been looking for ways to hold myself steady. When it all keeps appearing to grow ever-worse, I continue to learn and discover ways to control what I can... 

It may be clearing out a drawer of stuff, long-neglected. 

It may be taking some personal time to re-center my soul and bask in His presence - stop the swirl and give me peace in the storm that is all of life. 

It may be getting out of the house to go watch a sunset and make my soul pause...and remember. 

It may be writing out that birthday card to a friend or sending that text to someone who is hurting. 

It might be simply choosing to move my body today - grab some fresh air and force myself to just...breathe. 

Whatever the outlet, I'm realizing that the way to wait out seasons of crazy is to control what you can and entrust to God what you can't. The ratio of what I can control to what I can't is pretty big right now but I'm finding solace and contentment in these little moments of obedience... in these little periods of thankful that remind me things aren't nearly so bad as they seem. 

After all, I have a roof over my head.

My house is warm. 

I have running water and a cozy bed. 

I have plenty of clothes and lots of food. 

I have love. 

I have Him. 

Really... what more do I need?? 

When others are struggling in the world to even have these basic needs met, I have more than enough and Grace to go along with. What reason have I to be afraid or worry about what's coming next? 

The more you live in the fear of what is coming, the more life you lose along the way and the more you fail to see God right in front of you... if only you'd look up and notice.

Notice the miracles He's performing always that unbelief blinds you from seeing because you think all this is too much for God. 

But is it really?

We only get one shot at this thing called living... with all its ups and downs and joys and pains. And we're meant to feel and walk through all of it, however challenging it may be. And as with any season, nothing lasts forever - even when it feels that way. Because the truth of it is, just like with other things we've been through in the past, this too will pass. And the heartache that's been this nightmare for us all won't last. Because joy comes. Always. 

These problems we're all facing are too great for any one of us to shoulder or even for us to shoulder collectively. We need the mighty shoulders of a capable God to handle this one. But our part is to simply do the next right thing He's put in front of us. 

It's a truth that He has promised to "restore what the wild locusts have eaten." It's a fact that He has promised that, for now, we may mourn, but our "sorrow will turn to joy." So if such assurance has been given, what reason do we have to doubt that it will prove true? 

The news can say whatever it chooses - God still reigns. He is still good, and we are always loved. And regardless of how out-of-control it all feels, God has us firmly in His grasp... and we will survive. He will make certain of it. We will come out better, stronger, braver. 

We don't know how long this storm will last, but glassy seas will find us again one day and we just have to be patient until they return. And in the meantime, all we can do is simply do the best we can... control what little we're able to, and leave the rest to Him. We're sitting in the eye of the chaos - protected, preserved.