Know Your People

 How is it that it takes something so painful to draw out the most meaningful lessons? And how is it that sometimes we need to be hurt in order to understand who we truly are, what we're really made of? 

How is it that often need to lose in order to have our hands open for want's next, what's coming? 

In the flash of a second, a voice is calling, like so many have in the past, to all the things I've tried to un-become and I'm suddenly caught off guard by all things critical, and I'm thrown. And haven't we all found ourselves unexpectedly in such a place? 

Haven't we all ended up in a conversation we didn't choose over something we didn't do, and haven't we felt dropped into a sea of guilt and condemnation we never asked for? And the lies...endless, endless lies... begin to repeat over and over and over in our minds. And we suddenly feel as though we being pulled back into the past...into a version of ourselves we've tried so hard to distance from, into the type of relationships we've wanted so desperately to separate from and start anew. 

In the days that follow this unforeseen emotional ambush, countless texts and calls buzz onto my phone - all unprompted - as loving friends are nudged by the Spirit to check in, to re-affirm, to validate. To remind me of that solid place I can return to time and again where those who truly know me can call me back into the spiritual space I want to live and thrive in... 

The space where there is always room at the table for others. The space where their giftings are not only noticed but developed and encouraged. The place where, if there isn't existent room, room is made. If a seat isn't already in place, one is brought and added so that nobody... and I mean nobody... ever feels as though they are excluded and invaluable. Where all stories are heard and all people are seen for who they really are and can be. 

Sometimes when you try to be such a space others get in your space because, while everyone needs a safe place, some will feel threatened by a love so overwhelming they will fail to realize that you have what they most desperately want. 

In order to deal with the voices that judge, that distract, that try to turn you into the very thing you most want to not be like... in order to deal with those and to silence the voices they awaken in your own mind, you need to build your own network. You need to surround yourself with what you want to become. 

In short, you need to identify your people. 

And by your "people" I mean, those you see you for who you really are, those you walk alongside you when tragedy strikes and remind you they aren't going anywhere, those who perceive your character and see through to the deepest part of what drives you and, most important, those who call out God's best from within you and want you to be all He desires for you. 

You have to know who your people are and they have to know you because you are one of God's people and all the people who choose to make you their people need to see and affirm your beloved-ness at every turn - need to underscore your place of belonging - because God chose to bring us all into His belonging forever. 

Perhaps, like me, you've recently been confronted by a situation where it became clear to you who were (and were not!) your "people." Who needed to move closer to and further away from. Who you should pull in deeper and who should be given room. It's important to leave opportunity open for a change of heart...because some may, in time, come around and become part of your inner circle. But most will not be worth holding out for that. While, in many cases, you should not all-out reject them and should still maintain some level of politeness and friendliness, identifying that they aren't going to be your lifers is essential. Reminding yourself that their voices, however loud, are not the ones that define or frame who you are or ever will be. 

Only one Voice is ever totally trust-worthy when it comes to what is said about us and that is the only Voice we need to hear and listen to. 

And all the competing voices who do not speak His truth and affirm all He has already said about you...those voices need to fade into the background. Because the Creator who's "are spirit and life" has nothing but good things to say about you. 

So maybe it's time to take a moment - sit down and make a list of who your people are. They'll show up when you most need them, will minister to you before you even ask, and will present themselves to you with an open, loving heart every day, all day because they care. Truly, authentically care. They will be His hands and feet because they're tuned-in to His voice, too. And because you're all on the same spiritual frequency, relationship becomes easy and essential and wonderfully fulfilling. 

Yes, it hurts to have another speak harsh words to your face and yes, it hurts to feel their own pain spill all over you as you try to figure out how you're suddenly blamed for a problem you did not cause and yes, it hurts to have to brush yourself off after being knocked down hard - all because you were trying to create a culture of radical, gracious acceptance. 

But...in that pain, comes an opening: a chance to once again turn our souls toward the ones who have made it clear that we're wanted. That we forever have a seat at their table because God has promised us a seat at His table. And that together, as His adopted family, we are stronger, better, braver, wiser, bolder, kinder. 

It's as true as it ever has been - separate people and they become weaker but, bind them together, and there's no telling how far they will go.