Following Jesus

Within hours of each other,  I'm told two more friends have been called home to glory. One who spent the last two decades of his life paralyzed and wheelchair-bound. The other succumbing to a battle with cancer. Almost immediately, I'm hit with all the emotions. Struck again by the fact that death is our destination and that nobody in this life escapes it. We just don't know the time or the means by which we'll go...

Fail to sit in the house of mourning and you fail to make peace with the fact that our end is the only sure thing and that knowing this gives meaning to every precious moment, causing us to savor life to its full. 

Days later, John is laid to rest in a handmade coffin wearing his favorite cap. Surrounded by loved ones lifting their voices to a God who is the Resurrection and the Life, goodbyes are said and to earth he returns, finally at rest in the arms of his Father, pain-free. 

At Tammy's service later in the week, memories are exchanged as her family grieves their second loss in just over a year. Tears run and the Spirit descends on the chapel as those gathered worship and release her to heaven. Her dear mother, a widow now for well over a decade, is letting go of a second child in less than two years. Yet, she stands up and speaks of the indescribable peace she has. That, while Tammy wasn't allowed to remain with us all, God answered everyone's prayers for healing because she is now in the presence of her dad and her brother, rejoicing for eternity. 

Oh, the difference it makes when you realize that Heaven is where you belong...is what you were created for! Those who used to speak of living life with eternity in view had it right. Knowing your home isn't here causes you to long for where you were made to reside - in the Father's presence forever. Miss that, and begin to think it's all about down here, and you'll miss the point of it everything. 

Hours before I got word that these two dear ones had crossed over, I wrapped my arms around yet another Marine who served in the same unit as my Alex. Thanks to an observant current Marine who put it all together and pointed Daniel out to me, I was reunited with yet another of the guys whom I hadn't seen in sixteen years. Past and present connecting together in a moment only God could write. And it's all His story He is still scripting, and I'm just showing up. Just trying to follow. And none of it would've happened had I not stepped out and listened. Heard the Spirit. Said yes. 

I'm learning that following Jesus isn't so much about living without fear, never encountering trials, tasting triumph frequently, and always feeling upbeat. Rather, it's more like trembling in your shoes and still moving your feet anyway. Feeling your heart ripped in two and your world shatter into a million pieces and still know He is good anyway. It's watching failure come for you again and again and taking strength from the fact that all your battles have already been won and that your Victor will see you through because you triumph in His name and no distastes is ever wasted. It's tasting the dark nights of the soul and wondering if you'll survive but finding yourself carried and believing that the sun will rise someday...anyway. 

Follow Jesus with open heart, open hands and you'll quickly discover that you're being led to places you wouldn't choose to go but ones the Spirit reveals in time you could never have truly lived without seeing. 

Follow Jesus and you suddenly understand that life is pain and life is hard and nobody did ever learn how to "deny yourself and take up your cross" if loss, struggle, and challenge never came their way. 

Follow Jesus and you start to grasp the art of letting go - turning loose of all your hopes, plans, and dreams and giving them all over to the One who holds tomorrow, trusting that He will direct your path and make it straight. 

Follow Jesus and you experience both sides of love - the joy of being found, of discovering a mutual affection in another person, of feeling them change your own life and you endeavor to change their's, of reunion and belonging. And also the ache of seeing it all end - of moving forward without, and saying farewells you hope will never come as chapters close and pages turn and you're left to carry on. 

The gardeners say that, over time, as you keep after the weeds in a plot of ground, the weeds eventually stop coming back and, perhaps, that's the way it is with facing our doubts and fears in light of coming after Christ as He told us to: every little moment, we're either letting them grow and choke out our faith, or we're staying on top of them and taking each thought captive and slowly, steadily weeding out what doesn't belong so that we may better belong and discover the rhythms of the Father's heart. 

It took me years to understand but now I see that following Jesus is unpredictable. It asks me to step out of all that's comfortable so that faith can be enlarged and I can grow. Hearing the call of Grace means I often have to set aside what I think I know in order to find out what He's all about - how He moves and what He's like. Crazy turns and twists keep me guessing at His moves constantly, causing me to rely even more on His unchangeable love. The journey is wild, radical, and just downright surprising and, if my eyes weren't open to all the ways He shows up, I'd be blind to it all. Would fight it all. Because I wouldn't grasp it all. 

Following Jesus sometimes looks like attending funerals and sitting in the house of mourning. Following Jesus sometimes looks like reaching out and finding out that paths are destined to cross after years apart. Following Jesus sometimes looks like stopping on a trail and breathing in deep and reminding yourself that "the whole earth is full of His glory." Following Jesus sometimes looks like listening deep and showing another that there is a richer way to live when you do it with the One who chose you from the foundation of the world. 

In short, following Jesus will wreck your life and heal your life all at the same time. You'll be broken and mended, challenged and comforted, confounded and clarified... sometimes all at once. But that's God for you - never contained, always on the move, utilizing even the most absurd of means to accomplish His designs. 

To follow Jesus is to be brave and bold in the face of all you see or think you know, to rest in His embrace even when life appears to contradict all you planned or prayed for. To follow Jesus is to give your life over for something that will, in the end, last forever. To let go in order to gain what cannot be taken away. To venture where only He knows the way and to still surrender to Him anyway. 

Follow Jesus and you never know... but you have faith that He knows and that is enough.