Be Your Own Advocate

Back when I used to work on a regular basis with military personnel returning home from combat, I used to encourage them to be their own advocate when it came to their emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical recovery following their war-time experiences. In speaking with many of the people I helped, I noticed there was often a two-fold trend when it came to receiving the necessary healing process: 1) there were too many voices all offering suggestions, many of whom did not understand the individual's needs and 2) the individual was so wrapped up in their own feelings they didn't understand how to advocate for their own needs. Both made for a difficult, complicated situation and one where the individual failed to get the help they really needed. This often resulted in great frustration for many involved, mainly the hurting individual. 

In my observation of these scenarios, and my own experience working through traumatic and heavy events in my own life, I think it's worth pointing out that we don't often know how to be our own advocate when it comes to healing our past and bringing purpose to our pain. It is hard to speak up and admit you need help in the first place but, once you do, you often receive a thousand suggestions on how you need to run your life, who you need to see and talk to, what you need to do. Many voices will chime in and try their best to encourage you to go and seek the assistance you need. While this is all fine and usually stems from genuinely caring people, it can be overwhelming to somebody trying to navigate the already-confusing waters of emotional recovery. 

By the time all these voices weigh in, you can sometimes be so discouraged that you don't even know where to begin or what to move toward to get the healing process underway. The experts tell you that certain medications or support groups might make a difference but they fail to realize that merely numbing the problem by removing symptoms fails to get to the root of what's really wrong...because the more we learn, the more we realize that current trauma can always be traced back to a trauma earlier in life. The relatives and friends around you offer advice on who to talk to, what books to read, what activities worked for them, where to go, what to do but they often miss the fact that, for all their advice, the best gift they could possibly offer you to jumpstart your healing is to simply listen and ask questions. To pray for you. To cheer you on and empower you to walk your own journey with courage. 

Because here's the thing: nobody can walk your road for you. Nobody can remove the pain for you. You must walk your own road alone. Others can come alongside and be part of the process of support, but only you ultimately know what feels right to do. And sometimes, you need to cut out the noise of all the voices so you can hear the One voice that matters and get in touch with your instincts as to how to proceed. 

Sometimes we can hinder our healing process by taking in too much input from others. I'm not discounting the importance of looking into a trusted counselor or maybe needing to explore medical options in some cases because I do feel some situations are so severe that certain assistance is vital to getting the individual on their feet. But in a majority of situations where people experience deep grief, emotional disturbance, trauma, and various physical stress responses, the mere magnitude of suggestions can cause the person to swim in information and not be able to break it down into small, manageable steps that work for them. It's like deep down, we know how we tick. We know the things that bring us healing pleasure following difficult situations. But we discount our instincts when it counts because we take in too many voices and, therefore, talk ourselves out of what actually might be the most effective way for us to get better. We lose confidence in our ability to take responsibility for our own recovery because we get afraid we might "do it wrong" based on others' input. 

Many times, I sat with individuals who were so discouraged in their healing process they felt they were getting worse by the day instead of better because they had too many voices (and even the wrong kind of voices) telling them what they needed. One of the most freeing things to them was when I'd say, "You can be your own advocate. All these other people want to help you, but they're not you. They don't live with your memories, your thoughts, your feelings. Only you do. And therefore, you know deep down inside what will help you. It may take time to figure out what works for you, but you have the capability to help heal yourself by the way you choose to move forward and come up with a plan that fits you. You can edit the information others give or tune it out altogether and just come back to those things that bring your hope, that bring you joy, that give you peace. If you need to have some external assistance in creating a recovery plan, pick a couple trusted voices, but not too many. It may not even have to be an expert. It can simply be a trusted friend, somebody who has gone through something similar and can share what worked for them, a mentor, a spiritual guide. Plus there is much practical help available on the internet where others have shared videos or articles offering simple suggestions that might make a positive difference for you. But limit the amount of talking. You'll sense what's the best way forward." 

Not just when it comes to emotional health but in all of life, sometimes we get too many voices in our lives, all weighing in on important decisions, personal recovery, lifestyle choices, belief, or all manner of other things. All telling us their two cents worth of how we should proceed, often causing us to get easily overwhelmed and to lose touch with the Holy Spirit and with our own conscience as to what is the best thing. I've spent a good portion of my life trying to slog my way through countless pieces of advice about many situations. While the suggestions somehow felt contrary to my instinct and my sense of where God was leading, I still mulled them over way too long because I couldn't get past that question mark that maybe they were right. I doubted my gut sense and my inner peace about the directions God was moving me. I caused myself a great deal of unrest and turmoil because I took in too much advice. Advice that, while well-meaning, didn't match my journey. Didn't fit my road. But I didn't disregard it soon enough before it planted the seed of fear and doubt in my head. 

There comes a point in all our lives when we need to take an honest look at where we've been and how God has always led the right way. Need to count up the times when our instincts, driven by prayer, got us the right result. Need to be candid that conventional wisdom doesn't always work...especially when it comes to doing life with God. The accepted way often doesn't match His way. And if we're honest, the times we failed miserably were when we strayed from His way and tried to listen too much to the alternative ways. But sometimes we forget that and begin to question whether His way will work, losing confidence in ourselves and doubting our ability to implement what He's asking us to do and trusting He'll give us what we need to accomplish it. 

2 Peter 1:3 gives us a reassuring promise that "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence." God has provided for us the tools we need to navigate this thing called life, to have faith that healing and recovery can happen, to trust that everything necessary to do what we're asked to will be given to us. God can work in any variety of ways to achieve that, but He will never fail to grant it to us nor will He fail to offer us the strength to see our challenges through. This truth alone should give us confidence because, if our instincts are guided by Divine power, than we can't go wrong. 

I know it's hard, especially when you're hurting, to figure out what you need. Sometimes it seems nearly impossible to answer that question. But each day, you find out what that looks like for you. You are the one living that particular adversity in a way only you are familiar with. When someone comes along who has lived something similar, you are profoundly grateful for their help and comfort because often, their instincts have been refined by their own experience but, in general, the only way to move forward toward healing is to bravely live your story one little step at a time. To find those things that give you some level of hope and peace in the process and to be patient as God does His gentle work on your heart. I know it's difficult. I've been there, and I'm largely there now. But choose your voices carefully. And know when to confidently step away from the conventional advice and be your own judge of what helps you. Don't feel guilty for taking a break from other activities or responsibilities you feel obligated to. Prioritize your journey and implement those friendships, recovery techniques, and activities that provide healing to your soul, body, and mind. And, when necessary, advocate for yourself. Learn how to respectfully say no if you think something isn't going to move you forward. 

Remember that God often puts the solutions to our situations right in front of us. Perhaps the complete answer to where we need to go isn't readily evident yet, but the little steps are usually noticeable if we'll just take His hand and step confidently forward in faith. And, as we do, it will become easier to notice what is working and therefore, follow a plan of healing that is the best one for us. I'm trying to be my own advocate, and I hope you'll do the same.