Why It's Not Up To Us

 I've come to a startling yet freeing conclusion of late...and it's changed everything for me. Simple as this: it's not up to me. It's not up to me to sustain my faith in God; it's not up to me to make myself be brave and choose belief over fear; it's not up to me to will myself to do the hard things for God. I can only receive what I am given...I can only give out what I am given, and if God does not grant me the grace to follow through with these things, doubt, fear, and hiding are my impulse responses. 

 For most of my Christian life, I've lived as though God's favor ebbed and flowed with my spurts in the walk of faith. I felt as though it was up to me to "do it right" or God would somehow dislike me and turn away His care for me. I've lived in fear that I would lose His love as I would a human being's love based on how well I performed in my daily walk. I've lived as though I had to hold this weak heart together - for God's sake. 

 But now...I'm seeing it so clearly, and I'm embracing this new realization. It's never been about me at all. Ever. It's never been up to me at all. Ever. From the beginning, this one life has been about God's story. God's redemption. God's hope. God's love lived through me - trembling soul that I am. 

 Every aspect of my Christian life...including just that: eternal life itself...has been gifted to me by an all-wise, all-knowing Providential God who ordained in His sovereign will that I would be His child since before time began. Of my own choosing, in my natural state, I would never have chosen God. I would have rejected Him...time and time again. Even in my redeemed state, I continue to deal with the fallen affects of an unregenerate nature in my old self which fights against all things pertaining to the renewed life. Before, this fact used to scare me. I was afraid of my own sin. Not just healthily afraid in the sense I didn't want to dishonor my Lord...but I was afraid of all the times I failed Him. Afraid that I could never please Him fully. Never succeed in this Christian life. At all. Ever. 

 And yet...what a freeing reality God is beginning to drive into my soul. Deeply. Eternally. That never once, since my conversion, have I ever been at a point where God would disown me. No matter how badly I've sinned, His grace is still more. Never once has He ever threatened to withdraw His favor over my failings. Correct He may, but never disown. Allow adversity He might, but only for my good and my growth. When He chose to be my Father and me to be His child, His heart and His love were forever set upon me, and nothing that I do can make Him give up on me or walk away from me. 

 I think the thing is this: perhaps over the course of my Christian life, my thoughts of God have been too human. I've viewed God in light of other human relationships instead of as a stand-alone, tried and true relationship by which all others are defined. I've had everything reversed...and now God is turning it all right-side up. 

 Maybe you've struggled with this too - you have worked so hard at your Christian life that you feel exhausted, empty, and unfulfilled. You feel like you've missed the life abundant God promised you. But perhaps you could use a reminder that it's not up to you. God is responsible to sustain, uphold, and support your faith. And you only need to cooperate with Him in the sanctifying process. An open heart is all He asks for. The rest is up to Him. Keep striving to be holy - that you must do. But leave the matter with Him beyond that. Trust His hold on you more than your hold on Him. Because once He has set His love on you, it cannot be taken away. It's up to Him. Completely. Finally. Forever. 

 And how freeing a thought is that!