I've been thinking a lot lately about the concept of waiting. So much of life depends on it and yet there is something in our nature which hates and fights it.
This truth has been driven home to me recently in regards to a situation I've been working through. I have this close friend of mine who calls me about every 6-8 weeks to say hello and catch up. He's extremely busy most of the time, so the fact that he makes time to invest in our friendship means the world to me. I always look forward to our calls. And in between our talks, the texts go back and forth and we try to touch base as often as we can. It's hard to describe the friendship but it's one of those that only comes along once in a very great while. He's one of those people that has changed my life in so many ways. I'm honestly spoiled in that he finds the time that he does to show that he cares.
However, he's a senior in college and is in the last couple crazy weeks of school, the end of the baseball season, preparing for the MLB draft, and wrapping up other activities he's taken on during the school year. I know he's busy, but it's been several weeks since our last communication. And so I've had to wait until he's able to make time to talk again. But, like so many other things I value or want in life, waiting is hard. The selfish part of me wants an answer - I want to hear from him. I don't want to wait. But that's because I'm thinking of me instead of my friend. Thinking of what I want instead of what is best for him.
In a spiritual sense, I see that this is often how I look at things with God, too. I want God to do things that are what I want, when I want them done. I insert my will into the equation and demand that I know the best timing and the best way, when what God's really after is my surrender. But I fight that because my human desire takes over and prevents me from desiring the kingdom of God.
Trust is the difference. If I trust this earthly friendship, then I wouldn't mind the waiting because I know my friend will get in touch eventually and the reconnecting will be sweet.
In the same way, if I trust God, then I will be willing to submit to His timing and won't fight the seasons where He offers no response or answer.
I must ask God in both cases to give me faith. I want to surrender my fears to Him in full resignation, perfectly okay to be anything, to give up anything, to wait for anything provided that He gets the glory and my selfishness is further captured. I need to get beyond myself in order to experience the best things.
Oh Lord, grant me grace to open up my hands and heart. To let go with complete "yes" so that I may be filled with only those blessings which You most desire.